never was and never will be

2008-06-17T00:02:00.002+08:00

I'M OFFICIALLY DECLARING THIS BLOG AS DEAD, ABANDONED.
(sorry, just too lazy to update.)
My new blog, though, is: http://theshizandgiz.livejournal.com/

2008-04-27T10:00:00.002+08:00

something really exciting happened in my life again! :D

the SECONDARY THREE LEADERSHIP CAMP. [24th April 2008-26th April 2008]

FIRST DAY-

i woke up at about normal time, packed my PE t-shirt inside and off i went to school! I was partnering Crystal because Cheryl seet was partnering Chelsea and Belinda, with Abigail. We were supposed to wear slacks/track pants (as the cheif veron said, so we won't show so much skin when we go to st. john island-.-") and well, some people esp e china scholars (sorry) looked like they didn't suit their bottoms at all.. just thank god i had slacks from NP, cause i HATE to wear track pants, esp since how they're usually so tight and would stick to my skin, revealing all my ugly leg fats:X After assembly, we gathered at the forum and our respective group intructors were introduced to us. Group 5 got YAO XING! while Group 6 got WAN WEI. At first i guess i was abit disappointed cos i though grp 6's instructor looked nicer hehe, and my grp's one looked abit..uh..not that friendly? Yup, then we soon set off on the buses and sat down at Marina Pier for awhile. Before we boarded the ferry, there was this ultra cool thing where you can put ur thumb and then the person would take your thumbprint! hee, like first time seeing it. and i think it's quite efficient for taking down your identity(: We got Mr. Alex Teoh taking care of us, btw. And half of the class sat at the top deck while others sat at the middle one cause there wasn't enough space on top. and i was sitting facing that horrible gloria ang and rebecca tan): lucky have Eunice to talk to!

within half an hour, we reached ST. John's Island. It was raining, so we wore ponchos/carried umbrellas and walked up to the gathering hall number 8 with our heavy baggage. I was wearing the poncho from the Campcraft Competition, hehe. -SHHHh don't tell:)- and other people thought it was nice too! i like those kinda poncho material better too, the plastic one will tend to stick to your skin and make you feel even warmer. dark blue:D We checked into our Dormitry 11, which was like the nearest to the gathering hall. The bunks were kinda like what most of us expected them to be? Mattress thin and both the mattress and the pillow's dirty, got few have small shit on them. they told us that they'd give us those foldable Safari beds (like beach chairs) so we won't have to sleep on the cold hard floor! Anw, we soon started to think up of our group cheers, group name and designing our group flag in the dorm. Yi Ling, because of her wonderful drawing talent, was chosen to draw it for us. yup, and guess what's our group name? HOTDOG. haha. And this is how our group's short cheer go: " Hotdog, Hotdog. Yumyumyumyumyumyum. Deliciato. "

After that we had AMUSING RACE! (instead of Amazing Race) Its like we are given clues as to which where to go and once we get there, we have to complete one task. I think that we did quite well, quite fast! Especially that Untanglement. that was the FASTEST untanglement that i have ever done, WITHOUT CHEATING. :D I guess Yao Xing made things abit easier for us too. but he keep taking pictures! it's supposed to be good luh, but hehe, i'm camera shy! (but he took a picca of me when i was blindfolded-.-") It was okay luh, but it seems like something that you would get to do when you go for normal camps (not UG camps, most definitely). then.. WASH-UP! Me, Darice, Crystal, Beverley and Low Ann walking together and were searching for toilet together and when we finally found one nearly empty one, was very happy! ^^ (josie and bianca let us five bathe first, thank god for them!) And that was the shiokest bathroom ever, and although mine and Darice's shower cubicles didn't have curtains (there wasn't enough to go around i guess), we trusted each other that we won't look so yeahh. But you know i kinda get this feeling that in a girls' school, we tend to be more open. hehh.

Yepp, so fresh, clean and smiling, we went back to the dorm, before going to some other sheltered place where the whole class discussed out campfire item. Me and Darice sat together, and well, we talked about some stuff! hee, only paid attention to the class discussion and practice of the item like 50% f the time? After that was DINNAH. Again, we said the HUNGRY HUNGRY cheer (and this was going to be said before the start of every meal). Dinner was worse than lunch? Partially the food but mostly because the students were all so freaked out by the big flies which loved the lights at the shelter there and kept screaming. I got see before during ATC do i didn't really care much. But after awhile, i started to get impatient laa, cause all their screaming was causing dinner to be delayed. We took half an hour to settle. And then after dinner, Chief Mojo "talked" to us about our behaviour. They said they didn't believe in scolding, since this was a leadership camp. Or something like that.

After that got campfire songs (mostly we NPCC people know already)! As in we practise under the shelter. Hehe, while doing the Bumblebee cheer, with Yao Xing leading, Chief Mojo suddenly cut in and said stop/wait in japanese. Then Yao Xing freezed at his then-current position! Chief Mojo then carried him out while he was still in his frozen position. Like so cool and he was like very light laa! (anw he so skinny...) For the rest of the Bumblebee cheer, Chief Mojo played with Yao Xing's hands to do the actions for the song. But damn good leh, YAo Xing must have had a really good stamina or what to be able to remain "frozen" for sucha long time. After that was..NIGHT ACTIVITY! Brenda Goh and Sarah Tan were kidnapped and the groups were supposed to complete a set of tasks to obtain a key and find Brenda Goh. Again, Yao Xing helped us alot to speed up our tasks and stuff. He even lead us to where all the kidnapees were without us asking him to laa! But we carried Brenda Goh all the way back to the basketball court. Hehe, was abit obscene for her, cause her shirt kept going up and revealing her back. But it was fun, though tiring! (:

By the time the night activity ended, it was quite late already so there wasn't any supper or debrief. We like immediately proceeded with wash-up. The toilet got BITING ANTS you know! damn what lor, they just keep climbing up your shoe and your legs as soon as you step into the toilet and even INSIDE your shoe. Irritating pests..first time i experienced ant bite too. For the sleeping part, two beds were pushed together and a few sleeping bags were laid on it. Me, Darice, Vanessa Tan and Crystal all four slept on it hehe, with me and Crystal at the extreme ends and Darice was sleeping beside me. Was abit squeezy and in the middle of the night i woke up realising that my blanket wasn't covering my legs already and well, so i pulled back from Darice. hee, fun-ness.

[to be continued on another day....]

2008-04-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

ehm..posting now cause i was a little disturbed on thursday...

eh..i have an awesome 'GAY' PARTNER/ BARNEY, aka kai ying! church friend laa, sec 2. last time from st nicks pri one.

anw, i told Bianca that we call each other gay partners for fun laa (because got one time we pretended to be les and walk along the road with tracy and seeyi in front, our arms over each others' shoulders ,hehe). then Bianca was a little concerned that because i put 'I LOVEE MY GAY PARTNER/BARNEY;D' as my pm on messenger, she was a little worried that people who are les or not may take it as an offence. and then she said something like she thought i'm like a very devoted christian and stuff so i think she thought i wouldn't say/do such a thing one laa. When i heard it right, i started to think laa. as in it never occurred to me before..i just thought since it's just for fun, playplay, and that me and kai ying were both PERFECTLY straight, it would be okay.

but after she said right, then i started to think that perhaps it would probably give other people a not so good impression? (if they think it's real, or not the other meaning, which gay = happy) then i started to think that i as a christian should have set a good example. but now i dun care! i just continue to put as my pm.

ohohohOH!! guess what?? ON FRIDAY I WENT FOR THE PLANETSHAKERS CONCERT! very cool and omg, its free! once a year only.. so happy man..then sound system very good also..all surround.. jumping and praising god so fun!! yeah had so much fun although not much space cause sharon and emily squeezed in between with us just before the concert sterted. actually supposed to start at 7.30pm but you know, usually concerts will have delay of any sort because of the people wanna go inside or something, so yeah it was delayed. ohyeah, the singers weren't out of tune at all leh! and it's like usually when poeple perform live they'd tend to go out of tune at least once laa. Saw a couple of st nick girls go there also but well, the only one i know well and have no feelings of dislike whatsoever towards is Benita. She shouted hi to me when she saw me haha. the rest are like abigail tang, gloria ang (blehh!), vanessa from sec 3 hope (blehh!), cleo, etc. but idc them! hee. it ended at 10.30, and well reached home at about 12 plus. then called kai ying and talked to her till 2.30. (andand today woke up at 8.30 somemore..)

However, what really touched me was seeing so many christians gathering together at the concert. And of course, you know that there are definitely more out there. Another thing that touched me was how the Planetshakers and Tim Hughes impacted the lives of non-christians among us and in the end, a lot of them accepted christ at the end of the concert. ahh..thank god for such concerts that may touch the lives of the many lost sheeps in the world. i hope that they can do more of such things, cause i really wanna see more people knowing christ and oh, may the faithful believers out there not be prosecuted by the government for worshipping Jesus! may the Lord watch over them, give them the strength to continue to perservere in their mission to spread the Gospel. May God always watch over them and be with them.

today during shepherd's meeting (unit), we were asked to think of one person there and affirm them laa. i started to affirm emily..saying that she always makes an effort to come down for things like how she rushed down for the concert. then after that i agreed with sharon that she listens whenever people complain to her. i DON'T KNOW WHY, but at that moment i started to cry. they started to pass me a tissue laa and i didnt get to finish affirming her. what i wanted to say and noticed was..
I think she's very sacrificial. and..you know, ever since the night of the sleepover when *ahem* like vent her anger (as in like scold/complain/released her frustration) to emily on the phone because there was some unhappiness on that day laa. and it was like, mostly not her fault? yet, she was the one who lent *ahem* a listening ear..just like she gives one to everyone. i really thank god for her you know. Somehow or another i get this feeling that emily actually has some personal problems in her life la, and she's also physically drained. However, she manages to keep that smile on her face almost everytime one sees her. And she can still crack the whole caregroup up. I thank god for her being strong laa, and also..for her faithfulness and dedication to her sheeps. She's had some difficult sheeps and how she managed to bring them back/connect them is so amazing... she'll make a great careleader someday. (:

2008-03-15T18:36:00.003+08:00

ahh i think this week's been a rather hectic and tiring week for me. stupid homework-- i'm still left with 14 hehh. DIEDIEDIE!! [and i still can use the computer, like i am now =.=] Then this week like quite cranky and moody luh. things haven't been going my way. And well..i kinda strayed away form God i guess.. as in, when i felt angry, i didn't seek him and all..and it was for a few days in a row. gahh.felt quite guilty..

on thursday afternoon, i was like randomly going to different websites and i went to Mr. Alex Teoh's one. actually wanted to maybe go through his chem notes but then i saw that 3L and 3G had to submit some question answers from the ten-year-series worksheet aboutthe periodic table and i got a shock you know! luckily it was due on Friday, 4pm. [but the next day he extended till Sunday, when he'll go upload the template on Edulearn for us to fill in our answers.]

Well, there was a short sentence on top of the list of questions we had to do, telling us that he has a bad flu and asks us to pray for him. [that was why he extended too, because he was too sick to do it on friday] I sms-ed him a while later, asking how was he and told him that i'd pray for his recovery later that day. Well, i dunno WHY but in that sms, i also told him about how my spiritual life in Christ was not strong this week and that i hoped to be refreshed by God this weekend (during service). After some time, he replied, saying that he'd pray for me too and encouraged me by saying that Christ would be with me always. And although i have heard it many times already, i was kind of touched when he replied me, as in the whole sms. *sniff* maybe it's because it's like the first time i've told a Christian teacher about all these kinda stuff. And i wasn't that close to him at all. But anyway, hope to see him in school on monday:)

Before service today, i went for Drawing class, which is like part of my ministry. Thought it started at 10am and that i was about half an hour late but apparently SMART STEVEN said it actually started at 10.30 and the half an hour was buffering time. hahaha, guess he was expecting people to be late and stuff. Oh, Steven's the teacher of the class, although he's only a youth just like us. But he's REALLY good at drawing kae, especially with sketches. And he keeps using the smiley '=P' which i think is quite cute and funny haha. We did Blank *sth* today and like omg, everyone else is at least two years older than me (actually only 5 students in total) and their art is way better than mine.. felt inferior:\ hahaha.

I think today's sermon really applies to my life. Today Pastor Jefferey teaching was EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF EASTER [John15:9-11]. It was kind of like more of speaking to the non-believers among us, and also kindo of like a recap of some teaching i've heard before. but it served as a little reminder about how to be joyful even when in difficult or hard times in my life. Today's songs were all the old ones, those that i've heard before luh. And guess what? All the songs sung during praise were the ones i liked alot last time. But now i kinda settle for slightly less rocky ones, i think:) It was freaking cold from the start of the service luh. and sorry Belinda, that i didn't pick up your call. At that time, we were halfway singing one of the worship songs, so don't spoil atmosphere(:

After lunch @ Le Meridien Foodcourt, my cg were studying but i sat there for awhile and look around. i knew i wouldn't be able to concentrate at that food court and was planning to leave at 3.30pm. I asked Sharon Goh which MRT station should i walk to, Somerset or Dhoby Ghaut. But in the end i decided to walk to Somerset luh. it's nearer than Dhoby Ghaut (because once you go in, you'll hv to walk all the long way to the NS Line and i'm lazy too hehe) anyway.

As i was walking, going to cross that small road to CentrePoint right, suddenly got this HUGE PALM LEAF+SOME BARK DROP A LITTLE ON MY HEAD AND RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. i was like kinda shocked laa!! I looked at that damn dried thing and saw that it was about MY HEIGHT LONG..? or maybe even longer. I was so scared luh!! i had NARROWLY ESCAPED DEATH just like that. Thank goodness it was like the middle of the whole thing that hit my head and not the super hard part, which is the bark there, if not i would have died or have brain damage already. When i looked up right, i saw this teenage girl look at me and what happened and her mouth was like OMG, her mouth opened so wide in shock. It was quite funny to see her expression though, cause the rest were like a bit staring at me without much expressions on their faces. I faster zhao laa, dun wna ppl to keep on staring and stuff.. i later called Sharon Goh to tell her what happened too.

In the MRT train, the first thing i thought of was that if i died at that moment, i would not have been ready, like haven't written my Will and all. And the weird/shocking thing was that i was actually thinking of my Will TODAY MORNING on the way to Nexus. Dont ask me why, just suddenly thought of it. Then i was thinking back about the events that took place during the incident. I THINK God kinda saved me from death. Because just a split second before the whole thing happened, i stopped for like one second because i heard a car honking. Usually i wouldn't have given a damn about cars honking but IF I HAD NOT STOPPED AND HAD TAKEN THAT STEP FORWARD, IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. You'd probably see me in a pool of blood, staining my black skinnies, brown shirt and my dear Germany Bag. I really thank God, you know. It was like a miracle that i didn't die. Yeah, i thank God for protecting me for i guess my time's not up yet and God still have a purpose for me in my life, to bring glory to His Kingdom etc.

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD,
SING WITH ME,
HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.
AND ALL WILL SEE HOW GREAT,
HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.

i'm in love with this song, just like i'm in love with NEGAI by KAORI HIKITA now:)

p.s. I think today's drummer looks quite cute..! ^^

2008-03-09T02:57:00.005+08:00

well, guess that since now's the start of the holidays, i hope and think i should be able to post more..? but eh..pardon me for the randomness, because if you haven't noticed, it's 3 am right now:)

i really really like the aeroplane. i dno, during history lesson on thurs, sharon law/whatever-her-surname-is showed us a short clip from a movie about the first aeroplanes that went to war or something like that and although it was kinda boring, i couldn't help but keep on watching how the aeroplanes flew and how exciting/scary it was for the pilot. i actually watched with my eyes widened and my mouth opened in amazement kae, no kidding. you can ask belinda, that is if she did notice. But then tt sorta 'rekindled' my passion to be a pilot. it definitely involves alot of risks and i might NOT be a pilot after all, because of my disappointingly short self and because i'm a female. but god, wish i could one day be one, or perhaps just fly one...

i think that school's making all of us kinda dead. i mean, it's tiring us out. maybe it's just me and the other people who are having competitions, which are draining them out. stupid CCC [campcraft competition]. i blame it for everything, my stinking grades, my great lack of sleep, etc. it kept being postphoned-- first it was changed from 22 feb to 1 march. then because when we went there it was raining heavily and again, it was postphoned. just found out last week..it's now 22 march, whatthehell. one month after the original date. dno what's the HTA problem. now still have to freakin train more. so sick and tired of training and doing the same old thing over and over again.

ANYWAY, what i wanted to point out was that Marcus, as well of the rest of the sec 4s seem so stressed up or something. marcus also have competition and he's like extremely busy and kinda don't get to talk to him alot. kinda miss his funniness and company online. And then sining also like become more quiet..i think all of them become more quiet and more mature.. and for me, i don't seem so energetic in school already, unless i'm being weird and don't know why i keep smiling so much as i speak to someone. i think i'm trying to hide something..but i'm not really sure either myself. it makes me think that sometimes the people who smiles a lot actually in fact has a lot of troubles. like myself. and i'm afraid one day i would explode. actually, sometimes you see me like very nice..but sometimes i guess you wouldn't want to see me when i'm angry. it would really shock you.

been kinda sad these few days, especially on wed, when we received out PPR. i was expecting my marks to be of that range, and seemed alright as i received it. but as the fact and truth sets in, i started to feel kinda sad. i think i got the lowest in class, although i absolutely love my english this term. i got an A2 when most people got a B or C. dno how i did it, but i'm glad i got it. though i screwed up my descriptive timed piece yesterday. then came the results of the Amaths test. was hoping to get a higher mark to pull up my F9, but it was a disappointing pass.and then teacher started to pile up a lot of homework. have to go back to school for cca and training. tues-- 14 HOURS: 8am-10pm. because needa prepare campfire for JTC campfire night.

today i had my 3rd shepherding with pearlyn seet. i don't know whats wrong with me, but everytime i see pearlyn, i can't really talk properly. as in i keep stammering. and so my teaching was SHIAT today. came ate for everything too-- pearlyn's shepherding, which led to me being late for meeting Li Ling, which led to us being late for service. Really makes me wonder if i should give up on pearlyn already. she don't seem responsive and can tell that she dun wna come for service already. it's lately becoming even more obvious. and i feel like such a failure. pearlyn's my first sheep and yet i can't get her to be connected. everytime i end up giving way to her excuses. sometimes i wish i could be strict and yet still gain respect from my sheeps.

tomorrow, or today, is sunday.dno what to do.but i think i should try to complete my homework asap. and use the com more, hopefully..

2008-02-09T00:10:00.000+08:00

hey y'all. sorry but i think that i won't be posting anymore. or prolly in a very long time. you see, i've become rather lazy and well.. it's kinda inconvenient for me cause of the following restrictions:

(1) mum. she has changed the password to a horribly unbreakable and unchangable one and refuses to give it to me. lost trust between me and her. freeeaaak. i only can use it to do homework, etc. no playing! D:

(2) therefore, it becomes inconvenient for me to use the com. but anyway, it was already inconvenient for me as whenever i start to think, i usually don't have the access to the com. and i guess i either spend alot of time thinking about how to construct what i'm going to write or trying hard not to forget what i want to write. seems a little stressful and like what my sister said, you'd feel like it is a MUST to update and so naturally you'll feel stressed. gahh.

(3) mum and dad keeps complaining about the electricity bill. so i can't use for a very long time, unless i do it illegally. (i.e. use at night so that they sleep already then i can use at least slightly longer)

(4) i can't use the com till too late, otherwise my dad would come out and smoke, forcing me to faster wash up and go to bed. horrible man! but anyway, guess it's really past my bedtime then i..can't really blame him. unless he anyhow accuse me of using for so long when in actual fact, i started using it late.

I used to think that keeping a diary was a chore, etc. i guess i was pretty lazy to write also. Write halfway, then think that my hand very tired so i put in there "to be continued..." but in the end i also never complete it. BUT, breakthrough. I've so totally fallen in love with the notebook Joan gave to me during last year's Christmas, although it looks like a plain notebook inside, the "soft-coloured" circles on the cover are so pleasing to the eyes, cute and well..the pages inside are definitely better than normal exercise books(: It's from Korea, btw. hahaha. yepp. uh..today i'm not sure if i'm going to write in it..but i'e been doing so for the last two days!

My first diary's too childish now and my second's so small, you'll have to use dno how many pages. must keep on flipping the pages, so irritating until it makes me lose interest in completing the entry. :/

Hmm..i shall end this post with some 'clarifications' [should there even be a word. but you get what i mean, don't cha?]/ things i'd like to let you know:

1) the fact that i have a broken family will never change and although it seems fine on the surface, you wouldn't want to know what really goes on inside everyone's head.

2) i will devote the rest of my secondary days [if possible, my life] to my BELOVED. just want to be by beloved's side(:

3) Diaries are meant to be private and so is my private blog. like i said, if i'm ready to show it to y'all, i'll post the link. Btw, i'm pretty sure that the person i've given the link to isn't going to read it anymore, because we ain't so close already. so what's the point of continuing to post?

4) i love 2 Justice'07 and won't forget it's existence. (unless i get old and start to forget a lot of things)

BUHBYE WILL POST UH..WHEN I'M FEELING UBER BORED OR SOMETHING(:

My List Of Thank-yous.

2008-01-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

REAL DATE: 2ND FEBURARY 2008. (i kept forgetting to post it after decding that i didn't feel like continuing now, on sunday>.<)

i realise that this is going to be the only post that i'd give a title [i think] cause you all know that's not really my thing right? or for most people, that is. Anyway, today got me thinking again. And today's one's special and close to my heart. okay, so almost all the post are "close" to my heart in one way or another, but i hope that this post will make you all happy too^^

I think that uhm..despite all the bad stuff, i've had a nice time on earth so far. And today i just kept thinking of how good people were to me, when i started to watch Just Married on Channel 5. And here's my list of Thank-you(s).. it's NOT in any particular, just that whoever comes across my mind, i would just mention. Ehm, i'm so sorry if i didn't mention your name anywhere, anyhow. There are just too many people whom i've known. But if you ever come across this post, do tell me if i've missed you out. ;)

GOD- "firstly, i'd like to thank God...." that's what almost everyone says when they've won something and they're thanking everyone for their success. But do they mean it? Do they know God themselves? Somehow i doubt that most of them have known and experienced God, and that the people in my school are just saying that because it's a Mission school and it just becomes "automatic". But for me, it's way different. What can i say.. but i've always wanted to be a Christian from young. And when i had a relationship with Jesus Christ, i sort of knew that i've made the right choice. Of course, it definitely took me quite some time to commit to church but i know that i'm doing this for the Kingdom Of God. God to me is like my dearest friend. Although even now i'm still getting used to not just think thoughts in my head and later blog it out, but rather, to pray and talk to God. It's just divine, this relationship with god. Jesus is like a friend whom you can count on, just like i can. He's really amazing; he takes my breath away. I know that he'd always be there for me, watching over me, giving my life purpose, teaching me lessons to be learnt in life, and picking me up whenever i fall. Jesus makes me trust and open up, with his commands and blessings. But i know i must also be careful in this sinful world.

MOM- The most important thing.. for carrying a fatty like me in your womb for 8 months plus plus and finally giving birth to me. i guess i'd never be able to know how it feels like to be carrying a precious balloon around and be careful about it, until i finally conceive. Thank you for loving and being nice to me, although i'm such a rebellious, moody and unreasonable daughter. Sure, there are certain things that i wish you weren't and somethings that i wish you were more of but i suppose no one can be perfect. no mortal, that is. yeah, so thank you for being my mum.

DAD- Guess you'd be wondering why the hell would i thank you for anything right now, if you'd ever read this. Yess i TOTALLY agree. But in this list of thank-you(s), you know i still love you or still want to love you. Sure, i find you exceptionally unreasonable at most times, especially these few months onwards. But i can't and will never deny that you're my dad. And it's my duty to honour you. I admit i haven't been a good daughter either, talking back to you and stuff. But i don't know, just seeing your face makes me so agitated nowadays. Thank you for the younger years of my life. For working so hard, and not allowing this family to be a broken one, no matter how much you can't stand mum. And prolly for my looks also.

BIANCA- You know i would definitely mention her. You know she's the one i always stick to in school whenever i have the chance to meet up with her. And i don't intend to let her go, unless she wants to give up on this friendship, which i'm really afraid she might. but i'd like to thank her for EVERYTHING. From being my best friend [or that's how much i value her, though i don't know how much she thinks about me], introducing me to awesome bands like Good Charlotte, TOKIO HOTEL, Cinema Bizarre, Blink 182 [with Tom Delonge, the "love of her life" right now], etc, BOYxBOY manga/anime [although i introduced anime to her first] and..being such a great friend.

I guess i did expect too much from her as a friend over the last two years. But i realised it already after the June holidays and decided to pick up the lost connection i had with her during one very long period of time [i think it's about 3/4 a year] of our friendship problems. It was definitely hard, but i knew i was determined to make that friendship last and become stronger. I've watched her when she cried, slept next to her, saw her brush teeth and wash face [HEHEHE, chiang rai!], when she gets excited over something, when she's really tired, and more.

Guess God has a brilliant way to make me appreciate my time more with her, not allowing us to be in the same class after sec 1. Sure there are ALOT [and i really mean alot] of times when there are hints of jealousy cause i can't be with her all the time. I used to think that if she found someone else "better" than me, someone who can make her happier, she'd leave me. But i'm really glad she's opening up alot more since sec1. And making the whole world realise that deep down inside, she's a very nice girl. I'm glad that she's smiling more and finds joy in music and japanese stuff. If Bianca is happy, why shouldn't I be happy too? I want to give her my best in everything, and i leave it to God to help her come back to Him also. Thank you so much, my dear dear Bianca. (:

2008-01-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

hehe, i couldn't resist posting today too, so here i am again! (: [sacrificing my "Heroes-watching" time too!]

OMG today i was damn blur can. i don't know why, but maybe it's because i didn't get enough rest the past few weeks, especially yesterday night.

(1) Today i TOTALLY forgot i had recess training! Until Bianca reminded me about it, before i turned to walk to the canteen with her. I think it's because Mrs Yeo released us later than when the recess bell rang and i was half-disturbed, half-distracted by it that i forgot about training. But thank you Bianca for reminding me! If not i would have clean forgotten and gotten into trouble heh..

After recess training, there was like 5 mins only for me to run up to the canteen and buy food. But lucky Alex Teoh came in late and so i had more than enough time to eat. Hais..speaking of Alex Teoh, i just wish he'd improve on his handwriting [loads] and speak louder. Then maybe i'd pay more attention in class.. :\ Oh, Mrs Ong [physics teacher] came in like, TWENTY-FIVE mins late and ended up with only FIVE mins left for the lesson. Wonder where she went.. o.O

After school, me, Bianca and Sarah went to eat lunch together, and planned to ask Ms Praveena whether CIP at some NTUC ChildCare still can be approved our forms this year, cause she approved for last year, during december holidays. Actually Bianca and Sarah did one hour last wed but it was a profitable organisation so i'm glad we asked, cause she disapproved and then we didn't need to do already!

But then came the hard part-- Telling the NTUC ChildCare that we wouldn't be going for the next 15 sessions. We started to walk around, before going to the library to think of how we were going to tell them. We sat on three of the four shortest chairs in the library [the small blue ones and Sarah and Bianca were like, "You call them lah." or, "Cannot..i'm too shy.." [sarah] And because we saw Gar Wai doing library duty, both of them kept asking her to come over. Then we kept pleading with her to help us call the NTUC person and say that we're not coming. But then of course she say dun wan lah! haha. it was abit wu liao..

After about half an hour, we finally decided to go home and think of a very good excuse so that we'll never have to go there and do CIP again. [that includes not telling them that we're doing it for the sake of the CIP points and since it was a profitable organisation, therefore we couldn't and don't want to do it] Take bus..then finally i decided that i should do something cause it's like everytime sarah finds the CIP, then Bianca tells me abt it and asks whether i want to join or not, etc and i felt kinda bad not doing much except for the CIP itself. So i used Sarah's phone to call after we got off the bus and were walking to the Ang Mo Kio MRT station.

They didn't pick up. So..that left Sarah having to send them an email. heh. Sarah took a taxi home from there while me and Bianca took the train to Yishun, go Northpoint to buy my white ring file for Chemistry [or rather, grey. cause i couldn't find a white one].

(2) While walking to Popular right, i was telling Bianca that i had to return my storybook at Sun Plaza later on. After buying the file, i completely forgot that i had to return my book! Thank God Bianca was around to remind me again. hehe. and to think i nearly wanted to take the Bus all the way to my house..

(3) Guess what? When i got to the MRT platform, i didn't know what i was thinking and i took the train going towards MARINA BAY. like, wth was i thinking??!! I'm supposed to take the train going towards JURONG EAST! No wonder the train was so empty.. And i didn't realise i took the wrong train until i heard that the next stop was "Khatib".. -.-"

But i got back in one piece(: hehe, i think hor, when go to school like got more interesting things happening^^ yepp. so hope to keep this blog updated as often as possible!

2008-01-13T02:10:00.000+08:00

today i'm feeling quite happy! [except for at night when my mum just went *ahem*crazy*ahem* because of my bill, the freaking autoroam thing f***ing up, resulting in my mum having to pay alot extra. and also because my bro haven't bathed] Firstly, i brought Cheryl to church! she's so cute can, sec one only and she's so small sized! haha. She was my first contact that i've brought to church. And i was so scared all the while! And i didn't expect her to accept Christ too, hehe. yay she's so friendly and i'm glad she made that decision in her life!

Second thing was i read one of the mangas that Bianca lent me, Pocket Sentimental, and the pretty guy kissed the taller guy, who had a crush on him for a long time but was too shy to tell him. hehe. i think that manga very cute! like sth different too(: And it seemed to last longer than all the other mangas that i've read so far.. [maybe cause got more pictures, i kept reading a little only then stop, and i was reading slower??] I love the pretty guy's hair!!

Thirdly, i told Bianca i kept thinking she was pretty since last year and when she replied, saying that she thought the same for me too. It was at the time i just finished reading the kissing part of the manga. So yeah, the grin on my face was even wider. We were actually talking [sms] about how our relatives keep judging us by our looks [fat-ness, etc]. When she was younger, her relatives thought she'd grow up to be fat and stupid. And i was like, "What??!! She's so not stupid! "And then of course i told her what i thought about her looks lah, haha. But at that time, i felt abit embarrassed hehe. So i put an embarrassed smiley face.

When she replied me, i was like in disbelief you know. but i replied her, "and we didn't dare to tell each other last year." Then she said that it was quite random to mention while in school and i thought it was kind of true heh.. But the thing is right, it's not the compliment that she gave me that made me smile. But it was because i realised that there are some things that you have in common with another person, be it feelings, thoughts, passions, etc but you don't KNOW that until you ask or tell that person. And the feeling is like, wow. Amazed in a way, cause just when you thought that the other person surely wouldn't know or share the same thought, feeling or passion, she does. And then you'll find that you've grown closer to the person by a bit or maybe a lot too(: Because in a way, you've admitted something personal.

HEHE.just really wanted to post this although nowadays i'm lazy to on the comp, mostly because of hw and partially because of the wonderful manga^^ Er..will post about christmas stuff anth day! [prob one month after everything happens-.-"]

2007-12-20T22:48:00.000+08:00

alrighty! sorry i'm so lag [and i am going to be so for like, everything cause i only have two hours on the com PER DAY] but...this post is written on 25th DECEMBER 2007.

Last wednesday, a day before the date on my post, it was my birthday! WHEE~ hehe. The night before right, i decided to stay up and watch a movie and at the same time count down to my bithday-- I was born TWO MINUTES AFTER MIDNIGHT. :D

At first i was staring to watch Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End [pirated cd, watching on the com] la but then i found the Chow Yun Fatt and the Singapore part VERY lame and after a while my sis, who watched the movie before, told me that it was a waste of time and so i gave up on it after half an hour. [the reason why I used the com was partially because when I started, my sis and my dad were still watching the tv and also partially because I thought that the dvd player was abit spoilt] I got tell marcus that i would be busy because I was watching the movie and guess what? He was watching it at that time too! Haha but he was at the last part and he also agreed that it was freaking long.

yeah then after that at about 11, I started to watched PREMONITION!! Ok the dvd is abit siao one la. When it comes to the options where you either play the movie or press scene selection right, you must IMMEDIATELY press play movie and not wait to hear any sound of the music, if not the whole cd would be a total blank. Tried it on the computer but it was too slow for me to click as fast as I can, so I used the dvd player instead and surprisingly it worked!! (:

Hehe, it was very nice okay! But then I paused it awhile as I received happy birthday messages. Oh, hey guess what? I received 2 sms-es right at 00:02! And one of them, Rachel sim, didn’t know it was the time I was born, haha. But very cool right! Yeah then marcus wished me a while after them but I told him that he wasn’t the first although I was somehow wishing that he’d be the first. Dno why, but mayb cos he’s usually the one whom I know is awake till very late?? Yeah and then he still wanted to be the first haha. So I told him that he can be the first on Christmas(:

Oh-ie, then heidi, sarah chen, Emily, si ning, Sharon and I can’t really rmb who did wished me too(: Well, the movie ended at like, 12.30++ and then after calling marcus to explain about my church’s Christmas service on Saturday, I washed up then went to sleep.

The next morning, I think I woke up quite late and my sis and mum were waiting for me with a birthday cake! Haha alright it’s actually bread and meant for Christmas but it’s not the first time that they’ve celebrated my birthday without a proper birthday cake. And I don’t really like birthday cakes anyway.

before lighting- nice?? :D

light the chocolatey bread/cake!

Ok it was kinda weird that only two people in my family sang to me birthday song? But I still loved it(: Yeah, then later right we went over to my aunt’s house to eat early lunch! [eh, want to kill me issit? I just ate my breakfast!!] hehe, think it’s because my birthday then her maid, very nice one until my aunt wants to keep her for another two years, then she got cook spaghetti and made sushi for me, my siblings and my mum to eat at the house.

Couldn’t really take it so I didn’t eat much spaghetti although it’s quite nice. Rawr. But the sushi damn nice okay!! Even got da-pao for my church friends as no one could finish them. But I ate so much till I couldn’t walk. Literally. Had to drag myself out of the chair!! Oh, forgot to mention, as we entered the house right, my baby cousin was dancing! He’s turning 2 next year only and he looks so much like his elder bro, who’s K2 this year. But he’s naughtier and screams more than his bro, or at least that’s what everyone says.

At first I didn’t like him one la, cause at that I time I was thinking that all babies were attention grabbers, leaving no more love left for the rest of us more “grown-up” children. Now still feel that way but well, lesser(: okie, look below to see the vd of him(: besides when my mum walked past. D:

I left early to meet kar chian and the rest for outreach for Christmas service. Though I was late, I was the second to reach((: hehe. I met eunice’s [my p6 very good friend] sister, sarah there. She was also waiting for her friend and we talked a little bit then she left a while later cos her friend changed the venue they were supposed to meet at. Then later you know lah, we did survey!

Kar chian kept asking people who were sec 3s this year cause she thought that they looked like p6 or sec 1s.. we went around to ask tgth. She was feeling a LITTLE discouraged, so I offered her the sushi. Lucky dun have cucumber or sth inside cause she don’t like to eat vegetables haha. She said very nice okay! Then later after dno how long, Emily and wanyi came and tried my sushi too and both had positive comments on it^^

After outreach, we went to eat at DELIFRANCE. Sharon and Mei chi joined us there. [they both liked my sushi too!] Kar chian brought me with her to buy a muffin and to walk around cause we weren’t supposed to eat takeaway stuff in the restaurant. If not need to pay gst and service tax, what shiat. Then she called someone and started to whisper abit. But I already know lah. They were planning to surprise me with a birthday cake when I got back haha. And it was really like that when i got back. After one year plus plus of experience, being part of the plans to surprise people on their birthday, I’m not surprised(:

But hor, the man who served the small slice of cake was abit clumsy one and dropped the candle. But I didn’t care. It was funny! Haha. So I got another cake and birthday song(: But later on when they affirmed me, I was very touched.

THANK-YOU EVERYONE WHO HAVE MADE MY BIRTHDAY SUCH AN ENJOYABLE AND LOVELY ONE!! <3<3

It was way better than last year, as in on the day itself. Cause last year I think I just stayed at home, used the com and stoned. But I really felt very happy and grateful on 19 December 2007(:

Yeah, so at night I used the com for about 3 hours and then slept. Took 2 more pics of my nails too!

2007-12-18T19:21:00.000+08:00

today i went to JB, originally just to eat pizza. Guess what i saw during my first toilet break at some hotel? In the last cubicle on the right, i saw a piece of poop floating around happily in the toilet bowl. [NOT MINE!!] Nice sight, huh. (look below) Was so wu-liao that i took a picture of it hehe. But mum was quite angry that i was ridiculous enough to "take picture of someone else's shit". and walked out of the toilet as i took the picture..

well, it's not everyday that you see a sight like this...

Then after that, we went for some pedicure. At first it was just my sister cutting her hair lah, but then while waiting for her, mum told me to go and do pedicure. At first i didn't want but since like nothing to do, then okay lor haha. First time. Not bad lah, the girl who did my nails was very friendly. She's only 17 and working full-time!

In the end, my cuticles were get rid off and my leg was scrubbed, leaving fairer [because of the dirt] and smoother skin(: haha. guess what i asked to be painted? GERMANY FLAG!! <3<3 hehe, actually i wanted all black but then i thought, since people are paintingmy nails for me, might as do nail art right? Cause if not then i might as well paint my nails black myself at home. They actually didn't have yellow lah, because it is a very unusual for people to choose that colour. Then the shop that they wanted to buy from was also not opened. But they found some more inferior nail paint and they mixed with something else. oh well, better than nothing, or gold [eww, never!!] (:

Beautiful, huh? ^^ think it looks more striking if only the big toe nail is painted(:

So..actually didn't buy much lah.Got bread, ate pizza at Pizza Hut [chhheeeeeeeeeeaaaap over there hor!], da bao two large ones for breakfast, got my permanent marker to colour my earing black(: got a dress for sister and i think my mum bought two pairs of school shoes for my cousin.

Going back that time was quite unhappy because sister didn't apologise for stepping on my toe, even if it's accidental. And she even treated it like as if it were my fault and refused to speak to me. Actually after a very short while i cooled down liao. So i purposely distanced myself away from her lah. Then when almost going to reach home right, i noticed that abit of the yellow nail polish on my nail was chipped off. DAMN! just painted omg!!!! really shit...must have happened on that bus where everyone was pushing each other..

so i went home pissed and i also didn't have the appetite for the pizza, which was meant for dinner. having soup now...

oh yeah, forgot to add.. yesterday i went to marcus's house to watch movie! ^^ haha. his house very nice can! Got this HUGE 42 inch television, PLENTY of movies [uh, equivalent to 6 to 7 stacks? ALL ORIGINAL, NONE PIRATED some more.], CABLE TV, and i think his parents converted the balcony into a television room. Yeah, there's another television in that room.. His bedroom -his very own!- has a computer, a nice lime green chair which i placed my precious germany bag on, WEIGHTS [a little surprising..?] , a football and the usual bedroom stuff. And he just moved in last month! he like very rich hor, but i'm not jealous haha. No reason to! Happy with most of what i have already(:

eh..actually it was supposed to be a movie marathon lah, but in the end we watched three movies only.

(1) The Frighteners. Very funny when they screamed, haha. and have some funny parts too. 20th century movie you see..but not that lame(: Or maybe it's just that i'm weird, laughing at things that are supposed to be scary..

(2) Ghost Ship. Eh.. it's a 2002/2003 movie..? Both of us couldn't decide on which year exactly cause both years were printed on the cd cover heh.. Not bad lah. It was supposed to be rather scary, but i've seen WAY MUCH WORSE than that before(: And i've discovered a perfect and COOL way to kill a whole group of people some more!! ^^

(3) Resurrection. I brought it over! [one of the rare ORIGINAL movies i have in my house. most are pirated!] haha..it seemed like quite a nice movie, with some references to the Bible. I was hoping it would be a scary movie but apparently it was CENSORED. darn, that overly-protective singapore! D: but nevertheless, the killings were truly the works of a genius. oh, at first Marcus thought it would be an old movie, cause the year wasn't printed on the cover. But then yesterday my dad told me that the movie was only a few years back. phew!

After that, we both watched the episode of HEROES that i missed last monday while i was at camp. Though he watched the whole of season one online already. somehow..poor him! haha..have to watch with me again-.-" Well, but i enjoyed myself there. THANK YOU MARCUS!!

p.s. don't xiang3 wai1. his mum was in the house ALL THE TIME, we saw each other for the first time, ABSOLUTELY just friends [ask him!] and no special interest! ^^ [go gladys! proud of ya.]

2007-12-16T20:45:00.000+08:00

hey! alright this was a draft from sunday --today is monday--.

saturday i went with sarah chen to Bedok library for housekeeping training lah. her parents picked me up from yio chu kang mrt. SURPRISE! sarah's 4 month old dog, BENNY was going for his first haircut too! He was really VERY CUTE (as you can see from the pictures below) but as he was only 4 months old, he's teething..and he kept on wanting to bite my hand haha. but still! cute(: He's a Westy or sth..

oh but in case you didn't know, BENNY is quite naughty and playful haha. he's sleeping in the day and is very energetic at night, disturbing people. sarah says. He eats his poop, man. the stinky smelly and oh-so-brown waste. that's not all. there was this once when he pee-ed and lay FLAT on it. EWW.. haha.

the handsomely cutest dog alive!!

Yeah, then after the traning, sarah's parents fetched me to the nearest mrt station. Back to BENNY, as it was his first time cutting his hair, he was very scared and sarah's mum said he was screaming throughout. POOR BENNY! He was rather quiet after the haircut and he did scream once, as sarah held him. Guess he was rather tired too. So... sarah gave him a doggy treat. Look at him eat! so cute right! haha. (look below)

i see your eyes now! xD

Well, at first i thought that i could make it for the last part of service lah, but instead i reached like 5 mins before everyone came out. i was kinda pissed that i missed pre-x'mas service [it was special ok!] but i guess i kinda cooled after seeing and talking to my church friends.. they always make me smile when they talk to me(:

OH YEAH! talk about camp. i was at Singapore Sports School from 9-12 december 2007 for.. the X29 camp! hehe, church camp lah(: Well, to put it shortly, it was FUNN. Learnt quite some too. And omg, the third night was the best! we celebrated Y-HOPE's 10TH ANNIVERSARY. the NS district won the presentation! haha.. talk cock sing song play ping pong= idle around! Yeah, and i got the limited edition 10th anniversary T-shirt for $10. thank goodness they have female and male cut!

oh, i received the caregroup shirt [which jonathan said was bimbo-ish, but i have to agree with him no matter how insulting that was..] and the NED shirt. :D

my doggy [Kira] on the left and sharon's Brownie on the right! people says they're mother and baby haha.

NorthEast and East slpt at Christ Church Sec! D:/:D? Guess who's tying hair(:

the sad state of my camp booklet after a few days... [don't laugh! haha.]

tadaahh.. nice??

okay, right after camp ended, i went straight away to SAFRA resort. Very tiring right! And it was kind of a bad time cause mum booked it like 3, 4 months ago and her side of the family was supposed to come and stay over too but instead, they went overseas last minute and very rush, you see. The chalet was kinda big [the living room part] but the flushing system.. GOSH. so noisy! Quite sian there la, cause didn't barbeque and they very niao one, say that if we used more than 60 units of electricity, they'll charge us more. Ya, and to rent a bicycle there is $5 an hour. CHEE..

the best thing about it was that there was a bit of cable-- MTV OMG!!-- and sleeping with the air-con on^^

spacious..

kylie on MTV, singing 2 Hearts.

The last day, we went to eat at some restaurant for lunch. But before that, there was a koi pond beside it and we were tempting the fishes with our fingers. There was a sign saying, 'NO FEEDING OF FISHES' but the fishes ah, very greedy, thought we had food with us haha. then there was this white koi fish, the greediest of them all! Mouth open so big.. (look below)

Got once i saw a fly trapped in a spider web at the side of the pond. I blew it down into the water and asked my brother [apparently his fingers seemed the most tasty to the fish] to lead it till it ate the fly. EVIL ME! mwahahahaha.. But in the end.. IT DID! ^^

BOO. i love this pic, babeh!

the first YELLOW towelette i've seen(: but quite lousy, can tear easily..

my wonderful work of art! xD

modified version by my sister(: haha.

a tea smile! FAT LIPS. 8D

BOWLING-- my camera can't zoom, dammit.

but i managed to get this.. BRO: 87, MUM: 115, SIS: 68, ME: 107

second game..everyone played better than the first except my sis..

MACBETH! haha miniature version^^

2007-12-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

yesterday during morning devotion at the rachael's house. And i thought that it was like the most meaningful and memorable one so far.

at first, Shantel asked us to think of something, physical or spiritual, that amazes us. then later share with the rest of the unit. i took some time to think but then suddenly i thought of AEROPLANE and how wonderful it felt, the experience on the plane. --how it picks up speed before it takes off, the sinking feeling when you take off and land and the speed the plane is travelling at when the wheels first touch the ground before halting to a smooth stop.

[YEAH I WAS THINKING ABOUT MY AMBITION TO BE A PILOT! :D]

yeah, but in the end i didn't share lah..was abit..embarassed and scared, dunno why.

ok here's what i learnt and reflected on 1 John 4.

I learnt that we must be assured of Go'd truth, love and His word. I have learnt the simple way of telling aprt antichrists. I know that God is love and we must not be afraid to love, although in true love there's bound to be hurt. We must love our brothers/sisters regardless of their actions, because we were born to love. [v19- We love because he first loved us.]

Love makes the world a better place. Love encourages, love comforts, love makes people feel better. When we love, we appreciate things and people morem and we'll feel happy too. We should not have selfish love, unlike God, who gaves His one and only son to die for us on the cross. Though i don't exactly hate any brother/sister now, i must remember this lesson in case i might stray away due to the temptations of the devil.

yepp, pretty short and abit don't make sense but yeah, this was just about what i wrote down in my lovely notebook(:

2007-11-30T19:47:00.000+08:00

okay today i shall post about some of my USED TOs and NOWs.

*UT = Used To , N = Now

UT: struggle with homosexuality
N: 98% sure i ain't one but loves gay anime/manga.

UT: be talkative and irritating
N: damn quiet and scared or don't want to talk.

UT: study hard
N: slacked when entered secondary school, especially this year but slowly becoming hardworking.

UT: dislike Germany a little because of the Nazi's actions during WWII, but mostly alright with the country and people
N: ABSOLUTLY LOVE IT. (and my patriotic Germany bag too.)

UT: love singapore
N: starting to hate it. (for the stupid government and the stress)

UT: Believe that my family's a good and loving one, except for my bro. (when i was much younger)
N: it's falling apart, though i love my bro. So what do you think?

UT: want to be an artist
N: PILOT<3

UT: want to be a Christian
N: CHILD OF GOD.

UT: hate tofu. (unless with egg)
N: more or less like it.

UT: hate strawberries and found them disgusting because of the seeds on the skin
N: I LOVE STRAWBERRIES!

UT: love dresses, pink and Barbie
N: haven't worn a dress in a very long time, usually don't like pink stuff [Black! <3],>

UT: have huge ugly handwriting
N: it's small, sometimes neat but nowadays mostly messy.

UT: struggle with obesity
N: still am, but ain't doing anything about it. 8D

UT: love reading
N: ditched the booksfor a long time but addicted to it again(:

UT: refuse to do Quiet Time
N: only started late this year, sorry.

UT: have lotsa crushes
N: only one-- BILL KAULITZ<3

UT: like to have a boyfriend
N: Go away, suckers. [if they have ulterior motives] Boys are JERKS. I love and support Single-ness. Freedom! :D

UT: be energetic
N: dead like cow dung.

UT: have short hair
N: long hair, babeh.

UT: want to be a pretty girl.
N: want to be a pretty GUY. (!)

UT: don't see the point in reading anime (mostly because it's in chinese)
N: LOVE IT, Shōnen-ai and Comedy!

UT: love anime
N: still do, and always will.

UT: hate the mirror and looking at it at my face and my body
N: the mirror's useful for checking out my fats. But i still kinda dislike it.

UT: be happy-go-lucky
N: more wary and cautious of heart-breakers and therefore, i tend to close up i guess.

P.S. i still hate Gordon to the core.

2007-11-25T10:33:00.000+08:00

---FROM NOW ONWARDS, I'M GOING TO CALL FATHER BY HIS NAME.---

Gordon is such a freak.
Makes people angry everyday, everytime.
ESPECIALLY PICKS ON ME.
Blames me for everything that is wrong IN HIS SIGHT, that is around me even though it is not my fault. That's his FIRST INSTINCT.
Sometimes tries to be 'funny' but fails terribly on me, cause i know he'll switch back to a freak-mode in a couple of seconds.
Likes to smoke in house nowdays, or lights his cigarette in the house before walking out. May the cigarette shorten his life by twice the usual.
Calls himself "First-Class Bastard" today. WOW.
ONLY CARES ABOUT HIMSELF and his things.
TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH "law & order" in the house.

Always go back on his word. he should just tape/write down whatever he says and STICK TO THAT. Yesterday he came home ordering me to wash the dishes. I've done it already but those dishes he was talking about came in WELL AFTER 9 o'clock and he had said many COUNTLESS times that dishes that come in after nine is the next person's duty. That unreasonable freak, Gordon, still refused to admit he was wrong and even told me to live somewhere else is i'm not helping around in the house.WHEN I ALREADY DID.

Someone who complains about EVERYTHING all the time.
Someone who gives people false hope. He sold away the Linkin Park concert tickets, which he supposedly wanted to bring me to, and i only knew about it on the day of the concert itself when i asked him.
Expects people to listen to all his crap lectures.
LOVES to throw things around, whatever that is considered "displeasing" in his field of vision.
Worries about the electricity bill all the time, just because he's paying.
Is fat and i doubt he'll do anything about it.
An eyesore.
Should just leave the house and everyone would be pleased.
Makes me wonder if i should still show him respect.

2007-11-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

yo. just got back from Bangkok, Thailand. 17-21 November. Shopped loads! And to think i just went to Thailand [Chiang Rai] abt three weeks ago only, haha.

Eh, actually this post is gonna be about me and my family. I'm gonna be rather honest about it, and i don't see the importance of hiding anything. But then of course, these are from my point of view and i won't blame you all if you have any strong objections of what is going to be written.

FATHER

I used to think he was alright. He was, in fact, in the past. Didn't talk much, was rather nice to us three siblings. Now, PAIN IN THE ASS. He's such a nag, and i'm not kidding about what i'm calling him. Nowadays, EVERYTHING he says is either a lecture or scolding. He's a Wet Blanket, a soaking wet one. Since last year, whenever i try to talk to him about something that would usually spark people's interest and they would cheerfully reply you, he'll just give a nonchalant reply, telling me to go do something.

Oh, and he also PUTS PEOPLE DOWN. He's so discouraging. He makes you feel so lowly of yourself with whatever that comes out of his mouth. Today's the release of the PSLE results rite? In the morning, he said that if my brother got above 200, it would be a miracle. And that he wouldn't get any grade higher than a 'C'. Mum, Aunt, Baby cousin and I accompanied my brother to school today to collect his results. [HE GOT 210! :D hehe, very happy for him!] I was thinking at that point of time, IN HIS FACE THAT DAMN MAN [father].

Guess what he said when he knew Bro's PSLE score? "Should thank me, because i tutored him." NOT EVEN ONE WORD OF PRAISE FOR HIS SON. He got tutor meh? More like keep asking him to revise and revise. He seems to be rather obsessed with Cleaniness and Tidiness. He always threatens to throw away our stuff if we don't pack our study table. He said that this holiday if we pack our desks, he would give us all a Pizza treat. Pack liao but up till now, still haven't give. Which brings us to the point that he NEVER KEEPS HIS PROMISES. Promised to pay for my sister's Sec 4 books "later" since last year, but up till now he haven't given her any of the money which she used hers first to pay.

He thinks he is so great just because he's a CATHOLIC. He thinks his religion is the only RIGHT ONE and that everyone should follow. He DISCRIMINATES CHRISTIANS, saying all whatever for e.g., "Do you know why Catholic priests don't marry? Priests either don't marry or don't be one at all. Not like you Christians. No one can have the best of both worlds one!" to ME. And he always other Christians as my "GANG". Freak, who wants to listen to what he says against us Protestants? And today he even BOASTED that my brother is going to attend Catholism Classes soon. He's still a christian now.

Well, it's just so frustrating to have him in the house. And now that he's injured, i TREASURE THE TIME WHENEVER HE GOES OUT.

MOTHER

She used to be so "loving" and whatsoever. Now she can go CRAZY anytime and very fast. Think she's becoming senile. During the Bangkok trip, she can "force" us to buy something taht she thinks is cute, etc and she can still say that she buy so many things for us. okay la, mostly is we choose one, but still. Oh, she SELF-PITY herself everytime she's angry with us. She'll go like, "I'm not appreciated. All that i've done for you all [me and siblings], i've done out of love and this is what i get." or "You all have hurt me so much. I don't see a point in *something*." CRYING/WAILING.

When she gets mad, she'll blame EVERYBODY. Talking about her being senile, she seems to be hard of hearing nowadays. Like, recently. But apparently, she's RATHER GOOD at hearing me and my sis whisper about her. Surprising, huh. She also likes to repeat herself so many times, people get irritated with her. During the shopping, she keeps asking abt the price until alot of shop owners say something behind her back when we leave.

She's a NAG too, like all mothers are i guess. And so isn't it horrid and unlucky to have TWO nags in the house? Yeah, she seems rather friendly and motherly [at least that's what Bianca's mother decribes her as] to whichever of you all who meets her. But of course, you'll never know what she's like until you live with her. And i also don't know how Father can live with her for so long.

SISTER

I guess you all should know by now right, 'cause i've talked about her like in my posts a few months ago. I don't know and am not sure whether she's better now. Guess she still thinks that she's kinda great sometimes, talking about other people's bad points when she herself also have that bad point [mostly when she's angry or when we're quarelling]. i admit i do fear her sometimes and i seriously think that she still HATES ME TO THE CORE. She thinks that whatever that i do is wrong. A little mistake that i make can irritate her.

And when she says that we all cool off very fast after being angry? i think she's not really the type that she says she is. Especially with me lah, the one she dislikes a lot. Oh, and because i "fear" her right, i do take note of the things that she don't like me to do and all her preferences. She has many, my goodness. And i guess i'm considered 'cowardly' by doing so? Damn.

BROTHER

He used to be irritating and i hated him a lot, from young. And so i treated him very badly, actually. But now, he seems to have changed ALOT. He's a good guy now and i mean it. He's more mature than i was at his age. He gives way to others. And he doesn't get angry easily. Although he may be a little irritating at times, he's rather okay. He may not look so good on the outside [a little fat but he's playing badminton almost everyday!] but what matters is on the INSIDE. cliche, but he's actually quite nice hor.

And i LOVE him the most in the family now. (: that's why i even bothered to accompany him to school today! hee. Feel like hugging him and saying my first "i love you" to him. But i think i'll do it during Christmas bah. (:

Eh, sorry i'm kinda rushing for time right now. But i'll promise to dedicate a post about myself and i'll promise it'll be a truthful one, okay? (:

2007-11-17T01:04:00.000+08:00

hey sorry please read today's post, DATED 6 NOVEMBER 2007.

2007-11-10T22:10:00.000+08:00

hey guys, sorry i've not posted for a long time. In fact, i should be posting about the trip to Chiang Rai, which by the way is kinda overdue too. Will fill in you all about it another time, but i'm just too lazy these few days to do it hehe.. :\

ah..yes, my previous post was about a dream i had about BILL right? Well i guess i'm getting a little over obsessive over him you know.. which is a bad thing, of course. i remember telling Kar that i liked BILL but i was not obsessed over him or sth but i think it's coming true leh.. i really just can't stop thinking of him and all his WONDERFULNESS.. Gahh..such beauty.. [omg! lust! >.<]

yeah and guess what? yesterday i dreamt of him again !! And this time is i think i was a little conscious. I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING OF HOW I WOULD MEET BILL AND HOW HE'D EVENTUALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH ME! Well in case you wanna know about some brief details, i'll be glad to tell you anyway(:

Okay, i guess some of you should know how much i want and hope that BILL would come to Singapore right? [it's in my wishlist btw.] Yeah, and i dreamt i actually got a backstage pass to one of his concerts and i actually got to talk to him for awhile, which seemed to pass by slowly. Then i dropped my contacts. Not long after, he came to Singapore, either to look for me or i think he had a concert here too [i can't quite remember!]. And the main scenes were my old house at Yishun Ring Road, Khatib and at some shopping mall in Singapore [but somehow it reminds me of a similar one in America]. And yes, he still looked his gorgeous self, as usual. He looked pretty tall too! xD And you know what happens next, ABIT like the typical "falling-in-love" story so i shall not elaborate any further.

But i still think this may be a bit worrying, heh.

ANYWAY, sorry for the super short post, but i'll lengthen it with MORE PICTURES! :D

who else d'you think it would be? haha.

Gosh i love his cap! And that beautiful smile(:

hehe..he's without eyeliner! [And you'd notice he has DOUBLE EYELIDS. :D]

i want a dog collar like his!

hehe, don't ask me. i just think he looks cute and abit funny(:

CUTENESS!

he's got the puppy eyed look..

And sometimes i just wish he'd keep his body to himself, dno why...

so desirable...

The shirt says, "It's obvious everybody loves me."

BILL's among three girls!

HE STICKS OUT HIS TONGUE FOR A CANDID SHOT, omg!

this was BILL when he participated in StarSearch in 2003 [but lost in the quarter finals]. So cute right!

Tokio Hotel.

Tokio Hotel WHEN YOUNG. [aka Devilish, till they changed their name(: ]

And you know you can't deny the fact that they're BROTHERS.

[personally i think they both look adorable in this picture.]

2007-11-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

Hey guys..so sorry I don’t think that I’ll be posting about the Chiang Rai trip anymore..just don’t feel like it. [perhaps after a VERY LONG time? *shrugs*] BUT. I’ll post a few videos and pictures. (:

my buddy-- SIRIAM! <3 She's 12!

me and my guy buddy, NUTTHAWUT. He's FOURTEEN only, can you believe it?! i thought he was like 19 or sth!

i didn't really talk to him much.. ):

Amphiga. [i think that's how her name is spelled] She's Andrea's buddy but she was treated me better and even said that i was a good person. DNO WHY. but she's nice! :D she's 12 too.

Some random picture i took during the picnic(:

THE FIRST GIRLS PERFORMANCE. can you spot my girl buddy?

SIRIAM and Wen Jing's buddy. i think her buddy's kinda cute and pretty, don't cha think! she's 8.

BIANCA's toy cat! she brought it to Chiang Rai haha.

i've wrapped my bible! :D Front.

Back. hehe, well that picture shows BROTHERHOOD, ad they look very loving too(:

SO SORRY THE VIDEOS ARE BLURRED AND OF POOR QUALITY, partially because of my phone, but because of my inexperienced hands too... D:

FASHION SHOW, kinda hee. My buddy's on the right! i think..

THE FIRST BOY PERFORMANCE. (part 1)

THE FIRST BOYS PERFORMANCE. (part 2) sorry my phone ran out of space halfway and i missed about 1 min puls of the middle!

EVERYBODY SINGING. my guy buddy's in the second last row, second from the left.

My guy buddy playing the guitar with someone else's buddy. He's on the right!

SORRY this time it's REALLY my fault that the video's horrid...

Hmm..remember the other time I said I had a private blog? The thing that I’m gna post abt today SHOULD have been posted on it, but somehow I just feel that it’s not really much of any use. To keep people’s identities protected, and since this is a public blog, I shall start with three people, Person A, Person B and Person C.

Well, I regard Person A as a rather good friend, probably my best friend. But since last month, I’ve been wondering if she really did see me as one herself. Person A and B had a bit of friendship problems with Person C recently, and I did try to help to solve them. And of course, being the “middle-person” [or trying to be one], they told me some stuff about the other party, except that Person B didn’t really talk to me much.

And I think that a few things that Person C mentioned were a little true…? ‘cause I don’t know, whenever I’m arnd with Person A and B, Person A tends to stick with and talk to Person B more. But when Person B leaves, Person A starts to talk to me more. However, when Person A faced some sort of problems a few months ago, I did ask her about it and she said that I was a better friend than Person B and C, prob cos I showed more concern. Or whatever the reason is.

The thing is, I’ve been rather confused and feeling rather insecure lately, asking myself whether I REALLY mean more to Person A than Person B means to her. Yeah, Person B IS funny, and can make her laugh. I guess I AM hopeless at those “making-people-laugh” stuff and lack the ability to do so. Therefore, I find it REALLY hard to talk to Person A whenever Person B is arnd. I just..feel so inferior…and I feel sad when I see them tgth, like before I’m supposed to meet Person A, and on one occasion I did ask her whether she would like me to accompany her to somewhere [I did ask her the day before and she said okay] but before she replied my SMS, I saw her with Person B walking to that very place. I hope I’m not being over-sensitive.. I guess I’m feeling kinda upset about this, and perhaps the next time I see Person A online, I’ll talk to her about it.

i’ve been thinking. People like to go with others who CAN MAKE THEM HAPPY. And I know that I ABSOLUTEY don’t have that kind of talent, whatsoever. Plus, I’m pretty quiet/soft-spoken or I just don’t want to talk. Call me emo, whatever. But I don’t think there’s much in school that I’m looking forward to nowadays. I’m pretty much a loner in school, cause my “group of friends” are in another class. I’ve left my “second group of friends” already for quite some time, cause someone whom I thought I could actually be close with IN CLASS apparently found someone else WHO COULD MAKE HER HAPPY. It kinda broke my heart, but I know it’s no use crying over spilled milk.

OKAY, the reason why I don’t like NPCC nowadays is not really because of the work and all the activities, but more of the PEOPLE. In my squad, there’s this “clique” which I don’t like because in the first place, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BONDED AS A WHOLE SQUAD. And I don’t have someone to “go with” during CCA, unless it’s a person whom EVERYONE don’t want to partner. In class also like that. And they just stick me with her all the time.

AND NOBODY CARES, F***.

2007-10-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

----- BREAKING NEWS -----

PEOPLE, I DREAMT THAT I MET BILL KAULITZ TWO DAYS AGO.

It was at night la, and i met BILL secretly together with my friend, a girl [dno who cause i couldn't see her face in my dream], at some place where got table. BILL looked a bit older then he is now, but was still with the same hairstyle [loves!] and guess what? HE WAS FLIRTING WITH ME A BIT !! OMG! yeah, and i was smiling all the time as we talked (in english most probably) and his english was actually not bad! considerng how cutely he speaks english now.. xD

Then after awhile he had to leave, 'cause he had to be with his wife, who was in labour at that time. [he has a wife omg! and she looked abitsy chinese, with long hair.] After the baby was born right, his wife somehow got to know of our meeting la and wanted to find out if he was cheating on her. Apparently in that room, which was supposed to be private, had some camera and me, my friend, BILL, his wife and two security people were present in this little dark room where we watched the tape. I was standing at the back, with my fingers crossed, hoping that there was no sound from the tape cause i think that BILL said some flirty stuff to me. In the end, i think didn't have la..but i woke up after that hehe.

AHH.. i feel so happy whenever i think about that dream leh.. Cause i've been wanting BILL to come to ASIA soon!! And to meet BILL personally, that's a BONUS. But then, i also thought that it would be pretty long before ASIA would come to love this pretty German DARLING and so he'll come pretty late.. ): ANYWAYS, i still feel very blessed and lucky although i know it's only a dream! Wouldn't it be just wonderful if you could meet your idol personally with no paparazzi and media?? But it is a sad truth and fact that my meeting with BILL, darling, was ONLY A DREAM.. *sigh*

2007-10-22T21:22:00.000+08:00

OMG TODAY SOME FREAKIN' FAT, OLD AND BESPECTACLED GUY WAS STALKING ME, SHARON AND MEICHI.

After core team meeting, meichi wanted to go to Bugis there to see and buy a Superman shirt that was on sale, half price. But in the end she didn't 'cause she couldn't find the nice shirt her friend had. And so we went home 'cause it was kinda late already. When we changed train and boarded the North-South line, of course we had to squeeze in and this fat guy apparently tried to squeeze in too, behind me and until the next stop, City Hall, his FREAKINGLY FAT AND DISGUSTING tummy was pressed against my back. what can i do, you tell me?

yeah so i was so relieved when the whole lot of people got off at City Hall. We decided to take the train all the way to Raffles, then change and take to Marina Bay so we could have seats. The freaking guy followed us and sat two seats next to me. While we were still at Marina Bay, Meichi typed on her phone, You want to move to the righter cabin? That guy sitting next to you is very scary. At first when i read, i didn't think too much la, and thought he just LOOKED scary, not realising he was the guy whose freaking tummy touched my back a while ago. Actually got a space in between me and that guy la, but after one or two stops, got someone want to seat and he moved to the empty seat, NEXT to me.

During the trip, we were all talking quite happily la, until halfway i noticed that he was STARING at WHATEVER I WAS DOING AND HOLDING. My wallet, my phone, when i took out tissue paper from my bag.. Sh*ts, a few times i shot him the PISSED look from the corner of my eyes but he didn't stop staring and because me, meichi and sharon were talking so happily, i should not bother so much. Before gonna reach Yishun rite, i said out loud at my normal voice volume, "I'm gonna be SO glad once i get off this train." and of course, the guy heard la. Meichi and I got off at Yishun with Sharon, although it wasn't our stop. We stayed at the platform for awhile.

Then that freaking guy came out also!! He was like, looking around la and we watched him go down the escalator. He was the last person to go down. Then Meichi started to tell me that she noticed that he had been following us since we left the train from the East-West line. At first he was OBVIOUSLY not gonna get off one, but after we got off, he followed us. And that was the same case as we got off at Yishun. [And I didn't even notice until she told me! >.< ] FREAK! We were so scared you know..especially Sharon. we were super worried that the guy would be waiting for her downstairs. But in the end she said she think the guy didn't follow her and she got home safely, THANK GOD.

I don't know how you guys would react but seriously, i was super TRAUMATIZED by that incident. SO DARN FREAKY, can?! I'm so gonna pray to God that he may never harm any girl.. so worried for his preys!! Ah..next time must keep a lookout for people like him, a freaking idiot.. >.<

2007-10-21T10:57:00.000+08:00

HEHE. yesterday, i went to www.elouai.com and tried to make a doll that looked like BILL la and i ended up spending almost two hours on it.. -.-" actually, Bianca introduced it to me two days ago and told me that should i be bored and have nothing to do online [which is like, everyday?], i can go to that website, the dollmaker thingy and well, create a doll!

eh..here's my BILL doll..hope it turns out okay! xD [despite the limited accessories and all..]

and here's two more random quizzes i did on Blogthings.com(:

You Are 36% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.

In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence.

People know they can't push you around, and they respect that.

Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable.

You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life.

You tend to feel smothered by paper people.

You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person.

When you fight, you: Use all of your strength

If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

eh..i guess nowadays my post are becoming shorter and shorter.. and well, it's not so often that i post. >.<>private one where i post about my more emotional side. I only told one person about it and sometimes she visits it and leaves a comment. I don't know, i probably may make another but give the address to another person, 'cause i think i'm gonna post about the person who now views my current private blog and wouldn't it be weird if she reads it??

but then either way, i also rarely post on that blog too, hehe. -.-"

2007-10-14T12:34:00.000+08:00

i'm sure like, almost everyone has posted about friday's sports carnival/day (which..?) and i'm two days late but..it's better than nothing! hehe.

YEAH! so happy i FINALLY got to play SOCCER!! people, that's like SO my favourite sport! [although i think i suck at it..] last year, due to overwhelming response from 1 Grace '06, i couldn't get in the team and ended up in table-tennis.. not to say that it's horrid but for me, it was rather boring, no offence. Lucky this year no one was really interested except me, Joey and later, Benita, Annabel, Natalie and Sarah Sim joined.

Initially, i thought i could practice abit with Joey but well, in the end we didn't.. so we just played with well, no skills! well, not exactly, 'cause Joey sometimes plays soccer. Actually, there wasn't any specific position for any of us but somehow i ended up as sort of the 'DEFENDER' and Joey was the Goalkeeper most of the time. that was the best position for me, i suppose. because i can't 'attack', okay. i kick like well, a GIRL. pfft..my legs no strength... However, during the match with Purity, i suddenly felt abitsy of ANGER and kicked the ball a little harder. eh.. i think its because two of my squadmates, [from THE CLIQUE] were in that team.

but i'm glad i did feel angry(:

you know, a few days before the actual day, i was thinking that hor, if i slipped and fell down while blocking a shot from the opponent, it would be SO COOL!! And i actually did fall ONCE. HAPPY LIKE SIAO. haha. Quite a few people fell too..

Bianca played soccer again this year [she plays cute, but think she's a bit afraid of the ball..] and she fell cause it was slippery on the field.

Joey fell when someone from Purity/Unity tripped her and kicked her face. [ouch! >.<]

Denise from Loyalty [wear specs one] fell cause it was slippery i think.

Lovin was hit full-force on the face by a ball and she fell. She should thank God her pretty face's not damaged..?

Guess most of us got sunburnt and a tan, eh? haha. the weather siao siao one..one moment very hot, then rain so heavily. then very hot again. then rain very heavily.. AH! can anyone PLEASE tell me how to whiten my body?? i dun wna be so tan! >.<

hee.

Although we did not win, we had SO MUCH fun. I'd like to thank ALL MY SOCCER TEAMMATES so much. For without them, we would not have won two matches. :D

2007-10-11T15:09:00.000+08:00

I'VE GIVEN UP.

yes, people. I have given up on my 'vow' of not using the internet for one week after FIVE DAYS after my mum changed the password. I've tried to prove to her that i can don't use the com for one week but sadly, i've failed.. But you can't blame me! I was BORED TO DEATH okay? Exams are already over..plus tuesday and today no school..no homework.. I'D GO BONKERS IF I DON'T USE IT TODAY!

gahh. just now tried to play a music piece, A Window To The Past, for the second time since..uh..somewhere early his year i think, but gave up after roughly playing to almost the end of the second page as i was rather irritated when my siblings came home from school. couldn't concentrate and was afraid of their comments, you see. It's so hard! i mean, especially for someone who gave up piano after her Grade 3 examinations FOUR years ago. Once i played the second part, i forgot the first part and had to look closely at the piano sheets again..hais.. -.-" But i think i'll practise again soon..hopefully when no one's at home..

HEE. today's my 1st SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY! :D

whee~ so excited! but then..well no need any presents! loving God more each day! <3>

the three nicest 'days' from my handbook(:

snoopy acting big!

now it's acting cute...

small eraser that looks like a bag of chips! xD

look at how i've disfigured Venessa Hudgen's face! :D yepp, i DO NOT like her.

arranged the candles in a heart shape during Lantern Festival(:

mini bonfire we made but soon abandoned it.. -.-"

well people, this is what i usually do to a Yakult/Vitagen bottle after finishing it's contents(:

And a few videos...

lookie my cute cousin here! hee, he's SHY.

this is how long my brother takes to eat his FISHBALL... [1 min 15 seconds]

Look closely at the tv! [the boy put butt cream on his younger brother's face]

btw, THIS IS MY 100TH POST. ^^

2007-10-03T15:30:00.000+08:00

i'm doing lotsa quizzes on BLOGTHINGS.COM today, hee. cos i went to debbie's blog. well, here are a FEW that i've done..

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

http://www.blogthings.com/whatmakesyouagoodfriendquiz/">What Makes You a Good Friend?

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary.
People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindoffoodareyouquiz/">What Kind of Food Are You?

shiats.i hoped that i'd be some american food or sth.. -.-"

Your Mind is 70% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need.
Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

http://www.blogthings.com/howclutteredisyourmindquiz/">How Cluttered is Your Mind?

yepp, i'm going bonkers...

Your Makeup Look Is

Dramatic Eyes with Naked Lips
You rock an edgy, modern look with feminine grace

What's" Your Signature Makeup Look?

well, i do like to wear eyeliner..but not eyeshadow, please.

You Are 20% Girly

Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world.
And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

http://www.blogthings.com/howgirlyareyouquiz/">How Girly Are You?

yay! i'm not THAT girly! :D

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.
In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!
And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.
Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

http://www.blogthings.com/howsarcasticareyouquiz/">How Sarcastic Are You?

hoho.SARCASISM is nice(:

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.
That doesn't mean you don't rock out...
You just rock out with meaning.
For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofrockerareyouquiz/">What Kind of Rocker Are You?

COOL. i love the guitar!

You Are 40% Gross

You're a tad gross, but generally you're a clean, hygienic person.
No one can be perfectly clean all the time, and it's better to be human than a neat freak.

http://www.blogthings.com/howgrossareyouquiz/">How Gross Are You?

i'd love to be more gross but well, that's the way i am.. NOW. xD

You Are Very Happy Being Single

You're not anti-relationship. You just don't need one to be content.
You find plenty of happiness from your life as it is.
And if you find someone you love, then that's just icing on an already decadent cake!

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouhappybeingsinglequiz/">Are You Happy Being Single?

yepp, that is DEFINITELY and most true about myself! ALL I NEED is my darling BILL KAULITZ, best friend and buddies(:

2007-09-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

GOOD NEWS, PEOPLE. I'VE GOT A NEW IDOL..

BILL KAULITZ! <3

yeah!! he's super cute you know! INTRODUCED to me by BIANCA on 14th SEPTEMBER 2007.

Fell in love with him IMMEDIATELY after watching the music video, DURCH DEN MONSUN.

Band: TOKIO HOTEL

Born on: 1 SEPTEMBER 1989 [now he's EIGHTEEN! ^^]
p.s. i was THIRTEEN days late! >.<

GERMAN.

He has an identical twin, Tom Kaulitz, who is older by 10 mimutes, but then they're easily distinguished becuase of their different dressing styles. Tom's more of the hip-hop kind while Bill's well, *gushes* is known for his androgynous look. He often wears skinny jeans, black jackets, rock band tees, and Gothic jewellery, as well as dark eyeliner and makeup. Currently, he has dyed his hair black with white-blonde streaks and styled it in a spiky, voluminous style.

Bill also has three tattoos: the Tokio Hotel logo on the back of his neck, a star on the right side of his stomach, and a fancy script on his left forearm reading "Freiheit 89" (which translates to "Freedom 89", in reference to his birth year). His tongue and right eyebrow arch are pierced. [he got them when he was about 14 only!]

Tom usually wears very baggy t-shirts, a head sock and hat, and baggy shorts. Tom has the left side of his bottom lip pierced. He also sports Dreadlocks.

COOL, huh?? whee~ i'm refering to BILL, haha.

ohOH! i'd say you all GOT to watch this music video of his band's DURCH DEN MONSUN.

i think Bill was around 15 or so.. SUPER CUTE and ohmygosh, MY PRETTY HANDSOME DARLING! <3>

This is the English version, MONSOON, made either this or last year..hehheh..

I know..a lot of people say he look like girl but.. PLEASE DON'T CALL HIM ONE! i know he's pretty and all.. [dun get jealous, haha.] but yeah, you know I LOVE HIM. :D

now FEAST YOUR EYES on my wonderful BILL. <3

this was the hairstyle when he started off having..

OMG. SO CUTE! <3

pretty COOL(:

gosh, absolutely LOVE his leather accessories.

GORGEOUS smile. ^^

Oh-So-INNOCENT!

swaying the crowd with his WUNNERFUL singing(:

looks like a male model to me! xD

makes you fall in LOVE with him...

my pretty darling's so slim, you can see his collar bone!

i LOVE your fingernails.

singing with such..fullness of expressions..

side view! he's pretty from EVERY angle, yo.

Tom and Bill. LOVE the way he tilts his head and smile.

even till now, he smiles cute!

BILL's picture on the magazine! [on the left, dun care about the hideous lady on the right.]

yepp, will try to find more pics of BILL soon(:

2007-09-12T18:27:00.000+08:00

heh..today the maths mock test super hard lor..and i didn't even study ANYTHING. really.i'm serious. throughtout the whole school holidays, i NEVER ONCE touched maths. yepp, screwed like shiat. i left alot of blanks and couldn't complete in time..and so tired today some more. because my whole left arm was having muscle ache the whole while. During Paper 2, sometime halfway or so, i started feeling like i needed to pee, and was squirming around in my seat while trying to do the paper. it was HARD! >.<>

ok here's how i got the muscle ache..

Monday my squad went to Home Team Academy for Dry Shoot. I tell you, that officer who was going through the safety rules and procedures of the shoot was SUPER COCKY lor. first one, pick me to answer his question. Wad safety rules... i like nearly forgot leh.. but heng he asked the next person what are the parts of the pistol.

Ting Huan very funny.. spell the Stock (aka handle) as S.T.A.L.K. den the cocky officer said, "Flower, is it?" Everyone laughed so hard.

Then later, he point to me and asked me another question. I ask you all, who could have been more SUAY than me on that horrible day?? Shiats. Oh! den right, just before the session ended, i asked him a question la. I asked him where should the target or area of target that we are aiming should appear when we look through the rearsight and at the foresight. Like, when we are aiming, should the place we are aiming be above the imaginary horizontal line on top of the rearsight and foresight [both are aligned in a parallel line when you look thru] or what? [i know that right now you al must be super confused, haha.sorry.]

i even pointed to the diagram at the back of the room but apparently, he didn't get what i was saying and mistook it for another question. I did try asking again but then i thought it was no use and gave up. what for waste my breath? But lucky later when walking out of the place, Mr. Tan approached me and explained to me clearly.yay!

the whole lot [except a few being fetched by their parents] of us waited for the bus and guess what? In total, THREE 172 buses went past us as they were too full for anymore passengers to board. And finally, after about 45 mins or so, a 'boardable' bus finally came. I got home around 7 plus, thank god(: i lived the nearest [mrt station, i mean] among audrey, ting huan and yu jia, you see. haha.

The next day, tuesday, we went back to the Home Team Academy again for practice shoot. Guess what? we had to wear FULL-UNIFORM and march ALL THE LONG WAY to the range. and to be honest, the place's REALLY huge. it's not just that. we had to carry our heavy bags on our left hands as we march. our NCOs did help us carry abit. for me, i only let her help me carry my shoes while inside my bag, there was a maths file, maths textbook, my sch uniform and the rest of the normal everyday stuff that i carry to and back from school.

In the end, i think quite alot of us couldn't march properly and our bags kept slipping off our hands. And you all know what happened next, don't you? Once we reached, i put down my bags and my whole left arm, hand and shoulder was numb. serious. even lifting my left hand to haven't even reach my chest that high was so painful. [It remained numb even when i got home already and today i woke up with muscle ache all over it.]

The next part-- SHOOTING! hoho.very exciting! but abit scary.. FIRST TIME USING A REAL PISTOL WITH REAL BULLETS! i very happy..12 bullets leh! before we start shooting right, we had to put on this ear muffler la. i say, if i could get my hands on one of those, i wouldnt have to cover my ears so much whenever my mum or dad starts to nag. Cool, huh? :D ohOH! the officer at the station i was at was one of the few nice officers there! And guess what? His surname was THE SAME AS MINE! haha. Jason Seow. ^^ here's how it went.

J.S. : You have the same surname as me. [smiles]

me : Whoo! [that is what i really did say..]

J.S. : How often do you see someone with the surname Seow, huh? [still smiling]

me : Not very.

then i started to shoot le(: apparently, and dunno why, the pistol was surprisingly quite light and some how the Recoil after the bullet leaves the pistol wasn't that bad, i suppose. For the first two shots, i was too nervous and didnt aim properly. And i guess those were the two shots that went out, hee.

My results were okay, i guess^^ 51/60. Same as shao yan. Sharon got the highest of 56/60. then, ting huan and audrey both got 49/60.

i very happy and honoured to finally be able to use a real gun! but sadly, that was the one and only practice shoot we have and the next time we come again, probably next year, we wuld be taking the Marksman Badge test, where we have to get 65/90 and above to pass. 18 BULLETS. :D i really hope i can get the badge!

2007-09-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

woke up at 7:30 in the morning, so that i could get ready and then go to tuition. In the end, I went to tuition 20 mins late, hee. but i was released at 11:00, the usual time. yepp, and so i was early for service. FINALLY EARLY FOR PRAYER MEETING!

heh.it was a really long time since i've been punctual for PRAYER MEETING. cool. Today the songs so nice.. for Praise&Worship, gots Rain Down [emily like this song!], Always And Forever and Never Let Me Go [i think]. Then also got Hosanna.

i tell you..i really like the song Always And Forever lor! During Metamorphosis on wednesday, they sometimes got show some christian music videos on the screen during breaks. Yepp, recognised the song almost straight away when i heard them playing it today..

I tell you what i like most about it: the part just before the chorus. here's how it goes..
And i wanna show you
What you mean to me god
I give you my whole life
And i gotta tell you
That i am yours forever
Lord i give you my whole life

WHY? because it has got the sorta SARCASTIC [sorta] touch..wah..i really appreciate songs that have like abit SARCASTIC tune de.. so nice^^

haha.here's the video link from youtube..sorry the sound not so good. But what more can you expect from a LIVE performance and a youtube video? haha. enjoy anyways(:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SD7lZ415djQ

you know the other time i got blog about the guy from church whom i thought he likes me right? Today after lunch, me and Kar Chian were sitting down and talking la. Then he walk past and kept looking back lehs. [p.s. i just found out that he is sec 3 and his name, but i ain't gonna say.but Sharon called him Skeleton Guy yesterday, haha. because we didn't know his name and only found out today.]

OKAY. I DON'T CARE. HE LIKES KAR CHIAN AND KEEPS LOOKING AT HER, NOT ME. *sticks out tongue and doesn't care even if you don't agree*

he also never talk to me one..pooie.NOT going to think about it anymore. because i'm going to remain SINGLE for the rest of my secondary life. Got boyfriend so stressed..might as well still have lotsa fun with friends^^ hee.

2007-09-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

hoho! today i just watched finish LOVELESS. (:
didn't know actually, till i just checked just now.
ah.. what a nice ending..really!
but somehow like not complete..hee.
Ritsuka haven't shown his true potential..or lose his ears.
Hope got some more episodes REAL SOON! xD

2007-09-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

hmm...lalala...i'm typing in a calm, rythmic and not forgetting to mention slow manner right now..so as to not lose my train of thoughts and well, yeah i'm a bit tired heh. mum just came back but i dun care..it's my dad that i'm afraid of if i use the com so late in the night..yep okie here i go then..

these two days i was really very pissed with my sister. It's like she keep treating me like shiat lor. I think she always thinks bad and negative things about me. She also got write in her blog. I think she's rather ungrateful. But then i shall not go elaborating on it. Because i kept thinking that if i write all the bad stuff about her on this blog, wouldn't i be stirring up more hate?

And yep, what we learnt in last saturday's Shepherding Class, the 4th test: a peacemaker, not troublemaker. Do i make peace or stir up trouble? Do i like to be argumentative? Well, an argumentative attitude is a mark of immaturity and our Ministry Requires Maturity. I do not want to be so immature enough so as to blog about her evil actions anymore because then everyone would read it and get a rather bad impression of her. [i'm sorry i've done that in the past but now i realise it is wrong and that i have to change.] I think they should meet the person and get to know her themselves. It is not up to me to 'corrupt' her mind. But seriously, i was rather angry at her.

I just received the song, Tsuki No Kaasu, my blog song, from Yau Xuan today. haha. quite fun. Both of us were commenting on each other's friendster accounts and yep, i asked him to send it to me thru Windows Messenger. YAY^^ happy le. I also got put in my phone, hehe. Just now i asked if Bianca wanted it but then she said her manga songs cd have le. Oh wells...

I went to school in the afternoon, hoping to take my maths textbook home so that i can revise la. i was walking towards the 265 bus stop and then the bus came. well, i was kinda lazy you see and although it was just a couple of steps away, i did not runto board it. REGRET. i ended up waiting for it for like, 15 to 20 mins. Slightly pissed. Then right, because the bus stopped at nearest to the back gate so i tried to go in la. LOCKED. Quite pissed le. so, i had to walk ONE BIG ROUND just to get to the front gate and honestly speaking, it was tiring. And i just bathed. want me to sweat so much some more.

Walked to class. Classroom door LOCKED. EXTREMELY pissed le lor. Go all the way to school for nothing. At that time, i could feel abit of hot tears like want to come out of my eyes. I've got anger management issues. Yeah, and because i went to school, i was late for meeting Sharon they all to go for Prayer Meeting. [but to my surprise, i later found out that they were also late and they came to the 135 bus stop about 1 min before i did. hee.]

yep, we were all late. And i was trying to listen to music on my phone, trying to cool down. I think music is really influential and essential in my life as it affects my mood, haha. Yeah, the packet of Milo i was drinking apparently didnt work to improve my mood.

During Prayer Meeting at Rachael's house, we were praying [duhh.] and i asked God to help me cool down la. i asked God to help me not get angry with my sister when i get home. Well, i guess God really did answer my prayers. When i got home, i decided to ignore her, and not look at her straight in the face. It kinda worked. Then she started to get so stressed up because she couldn't find her chemistry book. I don't know why, but i started to help her look for it. Funneh. I just felt that i needed to do it. Bt in the end, we find how hard also cannot find. but think she seems happier becuase i did make an effort to try to find it for her.

I don't know why but after i got home, my mood was exceptionally good. After i ate, i immediately washed the dishes and threw away the rubbish without even being told. [usually it's either my mum or dad who bags the rubbish up when they get home and asks someone to throw it away.] then after that, i washed the school shoes. surprisingly, i took only 20 mins, like alot shorter than on normal days when i wash shoes. cool. that's what i get when my mood is good? haha.

Then i went to bathe. LADIES AND GENTLEMENT, FOR THE RECORD, I'VE BATHED TWO TIMES TODAY. haha. you'll only get to see me do that once in a blue moon.

After that, i folded my clothes and den went to use the com. hee. i feel happy now((: tommorow's service again. purposely arranged tuition time to 9:00 in the morning so that i could attend the Unit Meeting after service and a possible shepherding from Sharon. IF she gets ready a lesson for tmr. can't wait! haha.

2007-09-06T14:44:00.000+08:00

yesterday was.. METAMORPHOSIS!

haha so fun so fun.. eh.. it's more for New-Believers la, but a "good revision" for me though. From 12-5pm, there was teaching..and i could only go for that.. couldn't make it for Extended Prayer Meeting, which was from 6-8pm, because i had to go home. I suppose that was the 'most fun part', like a rock concert you know! but then..nvm..because it was my mum's bday yesterday too.

Went out for dinner at Sakae Sushi at Sun Plaza..new one. Dad was involved in an accident again, so he didnt go. It was pretty serious, because i think his handlebar pierced his chest, very close to his heart. Motorcycle. The other details i did not ask him yet. Ya.the thing that i looked forward to this time was eating raw salmon. Because that was what i think i ate in the dark and found it quite nice actually.

NICE.

mum used to tell us not to eat raw food bcos she scared we get tummy upset. But then she also never eat it herself, because she didnt like the taste. I think my stomach can handle it now. Think. Because i just pooped. But it helps to clear my system, eh? xD haha. Yeah.it's definitely more tasteless than cooked food but i still like it..soft and pink.. let sister try it. she liked it too.

At first i took a small plate with two salmon sushies. But later i took the red plate one. -- Got 6 thicker and juicier pieces of salmon. the salmon pieces were on this small pack of ice but i tok it out immediately, because i think that salmon does not taste so nice if it's too cold. but then again, it's my taste and preference so you all should try it for yourself and let your senses and tastebuds guide you...

Yeah, and while we were eating, suddenly sister had this stupid idea.

"Why don't we try cooking the salmon in hot water?"

yep.so we conducted the experiment. here's how it looked like:

me cutting up the piece of salmon

the piece of fish.

into the water!

end result- pink, soft and delicious.

the tasting- ain't gonna tell you who's that. xD

clear water.

colour difference- all the oil from the salmon!

stupid idea becomes an ingenious one.

bought her a Strawberry Berry Tart from Starbucks [ex] but it was shared among the four of us- three siblings and she herself.

cool.dno why i just walked into Starbucks and just purchased it..but it was really nice. yay! i think it's kinda worth the money(:

2007-09-02T15:51:00.000+08:00

hey ho! haha.just put up a new song, the starting song from the anime i'm watching currently, LOVELESS. haha, yeah! today i'm gonna watch till episode 8 on youtube. whee~ it's so niceh! introduced by Bianca last year, hee. hope you'll enjoy the song while i get back to my show! xDD

[p.s. there's manga for Loveless, but i hvn't buy yet and i'm not sure if i even want to..hee.]

2007-08-31T09:11:00.000+08:00

hey ho! haha i *quite* happy today! NO SCHOOL.

yeah, we're supposed to be celebrating Teachers' Day right now but yesterday night the General Office called to say that there was a power supply failure and we did not have to go to school the next day, which is of course today. Well, the one who was SUPPOSED to know apparently conked out while the rest of the family knew. [and you all should know who she is. *embarrassed grin*]

yeah, when my sister woke me up to tell me, i thought it was a dream leh! but then somehow i kinda felt it was a bitsy real. Then i woke up at around 12 midnight. [i actually missed PRISON BREAK! >.< color="#cc66cc">Prawn Ball, dno why haha. but they got the initials right. (: ] yeah. then i checked my phone. Kar Chian sms-ed me abt it. But i STILL didn't believe it, so i didnt tell my mum not to wake me up in the morning JUST IN CASE. But i turned off my alarm anyways.

i don't know why, but i woke up at 2.15am and 4.25 am and was finally woken up by mum at the usual time. then i sms-ed Bianca to asked if it was really true abt the dun-have-to-go-to-school thingy. She said it was [if not, why would i be here now? haha.] and that she forgot to off her alarm and she woke up just in case they call again and said they have to go to school instead. I think she used the com quite early, like what she told me she would. But i don't see her online now.. >.<

haha i'm just kinda happy i could sleep slightly later.. except some Canberra Secondary students were making so much noise downstairs and woke me up... gahh. i need my much-deserved sleep!

2007-08-26T13:11:00.000+08:00

yesterday i think i was very happy..but tired too. yesterday...was the most POWERFUL service i've attended in Hope Church Singapore...

Pastor Shirley Melinda was teaching us about The Power Of Praise And Worship. [2 Chronicles 20:18-28] I guess i shuld have asked my friend to some, because then he would understand better about why we have praise and worship every saturday.

You see, praise and worship isn't just about the nice music. Looking at [Matthew 15:8-9a], we do not just want to have the correct behaviour. We do not just want to sing the words but mean the lyrics in our hearts too. You see, we must seek God and not the music. we're there not to review the singers and for the music but we're there to worship our mighty God. Songs will change but God will not. What we need is not better music but a deeper relationship with God.

We must also rely on truth and not feeling. Even when we don't feel like worshipping him, like when we're tired, we must. For we know it is the right thing to do. We must set aside daily time for worshipping God. It's not just about praying but we can also buy some worship songs cds and read the Word Of God, which is also known as the Bible. We should listen to songs that make sense and surround ourselves with God's songs(:

Praise and Worship also moves God's hand. When we praise and worship, God begins to move his hand and we feel his power. When we praise and worship, God sees our humility. He loves humble people and he loves to bless those humble people who rely on Him.

When we praise and worship, we celebrate our victories. Isn't it very normal for us to sing or whistle when we are happy? yepp, when we have so much joy in the Lord, we would express ourselves! haha. well, God has created music so that we can express our gratitude and love for Him. However, music is not the only way that we can worship God. We can do well in our studies, and lots more. We worship Him with our lives! yeah, let's put faith in him for everything that we do, BIG or small.

And that's why i'm going to do well for my studies for this End Of Year examinations. I have done too badly over the last three terms already. I have to buck up. FOR GOD. I'm going to focus and not be distracted by other tings, except when resting. I will be firm and say no to certain things if I have to. I'm going to try my best to bring more people to the Kingdom of God too(: I'm just so motivated...i want to be a SHEPHERD soon!! haha.. whee~ SO excited^^

you know, i cried yesterday during worship.. It was the first time I have experienced God like that...and I actually felt so happy as I poured out my heart and tears as i prayed to Him..

I don't know..i was so overwhelmed with my love for God, Jesus, my Lord. God never ceases to amaze me with his wonders and joy that he have brought into my life. OH! how i love God so much! I love him more than anything in this world. He is my friend in my times of need. He's always there for me..i know. He gave me peace..and showed me how to love and accept my brothers and sisters all over the world... He also made me realise that there are alot of other lost sheeps out there in the cruel world, and that i must try my best to bring them to Jesus.

STNICKS 15! here i come. <3

[p.s. yesterday, on August 25th, 2007, PEARLYN SEET converted. Hallelujah! XD ]

oh, and...HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, Sharon! me shepherd! haha.today's your spiritual birthday, ya? (:

2007-08-19T16:37:00.000+08:00

heyheyhey!

haha.ytd i went to church and brought someone..visitor! but he didn't accept Christ.. but then, i'll try again soon(:

aft tuition, me and family went to auntie Angela's hse for dinner.some church people from Shalom Baptist church also came. Guess what? i saw THREE dogs in the house! haha. The grey poodle was auntie Angela's, the brown one belonged to her second daughter. The third furry one belongs to their neighbour.

Actually, to be honest, i didn't really liked dogs..but then, after i saw auntie Angela's grey poodle, i FELL IN LOVE wth it(: ah..he's so friendly..and greedy too, haha. he keeps walking arnd and sniffing the ground for any food that was dropped on the floor. He was found last year, under auntie Angela's block. They put up posters for two weeks but the real owner didn't claim him. So in the end, the dog and her fell in love with each other and she kept him(: btw..he's a PURE BREED. woah.

The brown one, Cherie, was pretty scary..She wasn't so friendly, you see. You let her smell yur hand and if she didn't like you, she would wna bite.. She licked my finger, so you know whether she likes me anot(: [apparently she doesn't like my brother, haha.] I don't know, i was still scared of her and when she jumped up on the sofa to sit next to her owner, i was so scared, i jumped outta my sit. heh. scared she bite me mah...

The neighbour's dog very smart sia..can do tricks one you know! [if you got food in your hands la] that kinda breed very smart and auntie Angela said that Carrot's [the dog's name] grandfather was a champion. got certificate one. COOL. it's kinda cute la, bcos of it's bushy tails, eyebrows and 'moustache', haha.

here are the pics(:

when me and sis asked Carrot to smile for the camera, she lifted her head up and her ears pricked up! haha. so cute!!

oh, lookie! doggie's looking(:

he couldn't stay still so we had to take him looking at a piece of food in a little boy's hand(:

oh.. Deep Forest [Fukai Mori] by Do As Infinity.. 2nd ending song of Inuyasha, hee. :D

2007-08-12T21:38:00.000+08:00

heys! i've just gotten back from malaysia yesterday! To be precise, 9.30pm at night, haha. okok..well i hope this isn't gna be too long and boring a post, because i'm gna tell you what happened during my trip to Cameron Highlands and KL! (:

As you all would hv known and noticed, i didn't come to school on 8 august. It's not like i pon school lah. I was supposed to set off for malaysia by 6 a.m. Guess what? In the morn, my mum suddenly said we had to leave the hse at 5.55a.m. then she changed the time to 6.45a.m. again. I was like, wth! last min change time! I was late, of course.and the whole family was angry with me. Because of wat? because my mum changed the time we were supposed to set off.

Well, we went to Cameron in my mum's car. Dad was the driver. It took arnd 8 hours plus plus [bcos we had to take toilet, meal and petrol breaks, you see.] We finally reached the Strawberry Park Resort [where we stayed for the next 2 nights]. It was so cool sia! i meant the weather lah, haha. Got alot of mist de.. ((:

yepp, we rested for awhile, before driving out to a nearby town for a steamboat dinner. Lucky we ordered a meal for 3 shares only ah! you can't imagine the huge plate of seafood we got [alot of veges, though.]. All of us ended up so stuffed with veges, but i wasn't that full, hehe. After that, while driving up back to the resort, we stopped by the nearest strawberry farm and bought some jam [it's the REAL DEAL, ppl.] and STRAWBERRIES!

okok before i say anything more, i'd just like to inform you all that previously, i didn't like strawberries AT ALL and even found them disgusting [bcos of the seeds outside]. BUT. after i tasted ONE little strawberry, i fell in love with it. It was so sweet, man! <3 color="#9999ff">first time like strawberry! haha.

i tell you ah, if you ever get to bathe in Cameron, don't be surprised that it is SUPER COLD(!) hor. because it really is. and the water didn't really help.once ur body's not in contact with the water, you start to feel the cold... MWAHAHAHAHA.. [call me evil!]

after my bath, i went to do some hw..science and geog. --i noe, i'm crazy enough to bring my hw on a HOLIDAY. but my bro also got mah. and anws, i didn't do much:D -- my @#$%^ sister see me do hw like bu4 shuang3 lor. She didn't like it that i was doing hw in the room, claiming she "stressed when she sees me doing hw" as she would think of how much hw she hv left at home and that she wanted to sleep le. So i went outside to do it. No choice.

well, i suppose almost everything abt the resort is cold. the tap water that entered my mouth as i was brushing teeth and even as i started to get in bed. needed some time b4 i culd warm up. -.-"

The next morning, i woke up early to try out my new WITHING TEMPTATION* cd in the dvd player. You see, it was only after we set off then did i realise that the batteries inside my walkman had leaked for quite some time le and now you cannot use battery to get it working. Can only use the wire that connects to a power socket. and OOPS! i didn't noe that malaysia's voltage was the same as singapore, so i didnt bri the wire): Guess what? the dvd player like SPOIL lor. huh!

Breakfast was bread and jam and butter(: after breakfast, we decided to go arnd and see the farms. Got Plants and Bee farms. My family bought a few keychains frm the 2nd plant shop we went to(: We were eating alot of Twisties in the car, so my mum was kinda angry bcos not supposed to eat tidbits in the morning la. HEE.

Ate lunch pretty early, arnd 11.30a.m. We had.. : 3 BOWLS OF NOODLES, 3 HUGE EGG PRATAS & 5 HUGE PLAIN PRATAS. cool, huh? xD haha, i guess you can say my family members are BIG eaters! [except my bro.]

On the way back, we bought the *famous* strawberry ice. It was super nice yo! [it HAD to be.recommended by lotsa ppl you know! even hui er also say very nice, haha.] mum nearly didn't eat till me and sis told her alot ppl go recommend. Then, we went back for awhile to bathe and rest. When i took out some paper to write down the events during this trip, my sister complained AGAIN as she thought i was gna do hw again. Even though i explained to her i was not, she still made alot of noise and asked me to get out of the room. quarrel lor.

she so abuse 'authority' de lor.everytime think she so great and treat me like sh*t when borrow my stuff also. [handphone camera] screw her damn life, man.

for dinner, we had Naan [not numb/naam, as meand sis previously thought how it was spelt and sounded like]. Something like prata, except it's bigger and more bread-like. There was Tandoori chicken and fish and mutton curry to go with(: NICEH. but not as filling as lunch, haha. THAT was a killer, man.stomach so bloated! xD

went to sleep quite early, cos the next day we had to wake up early and leave for KL. I don't noe wat exactly is wrong with my body. It seem s to be funtioning oppositely lor. the first night when i culd sleep late, i woke up early. Then on friday morn, i woke up super early and super tired. kehh.

the trip to KL wasn't that pleasant, you know. it was so screwed. as we entered KL, mum and dad quarrelled. because the roads in KL was very complicated and wasn't like in singapore de. mum couldn't topo and dad was frustrated. For the rest of the days in KL, he kept saying that on the trip back, he would let my mum drive while he topo and see how it feels like. He says that she thinks she can relax all the way and sleep in the car while he drive. Firstly, dad was rather un-gentlemanly but he was tired. Secondly, mum paid for the hotel and resort. So don't ask me to judge who's right or wrong.

Lunch was on a roadside stall.but the food was not bad(: bought some pretzels frm Auntie Anne's. In malaysia, it's much cheaper to buy their pretzels, so i'm happy i finally got to buy them(: After that, we went to watch The Simpsons movie. HOHO. second time watching. I watched it with Bianca, Belinda and Sarah on tuesday! [and not forgetting the restricting white skirt and the expensive pasta meal.] DIFFERENCE? movie, not really.mayb slightly not that funny le, haha. Price? definitely. In malaysia, you can get a ticket at only RM8 while in singapore, you hv to pay $7 and that's only for during weekdays. Dad didn't come with us, though.he went back to hotel, pissed, and slept.

After that, me, my mum and sis went shopping. I went into this Borders shop, hoping that i can find manga.but boy! were they so ex! So i left and we managed to buy a jacket for me, a shirt and belt for sis, a shirt for bro and some pants for dno who. So little hor? Yeah..den walk, walk somemore...spotted a shop FULL OF MANGA!! was in there for quite some time but then i culdn't decide which comic to buy! i didn't noe what each was abt..so i didnt buy):

When i got out, i immediately spotted an ULTRA COOL shop! i tell you, i'm not kidding hor..it really is a very nice shop with very nice clothes! i was so in love with the clothes frm the moment i laid my eyes on them. except they only had clothes for BOYS.i was so sad lor!
at that time...i wished i were a boy.. i loved that shop the most..and yet it was only for BOYS. dammit.

had Shakey's Pizza for dinner, late dinner:D i think that was like probably the best pizza i've ever tasted. the cheese was so awesome. You know like the kind that you see on tv de. It's EXACTLY like that.when you take out a piece, the cheese just stretches and stretches AND stretches. Like, OHMYGOD.

The next morn, we had biscuits for breakfast and looked arnd the shops for the last time. Sis was inno mood to shop, so we went into Borders again. This time, i saw the mangas Loveless and La Esperanca, which Bianca wuld hv surely wanted. Except they were again, so expensive.

In the end, dad drove us home(: Boy, glad to be home! haha. REALLY.

* bought the Within Temptation cd on tuesday at HMV, after the movie(: i've just put up my fav song of the cd [so far]-- The Howling! oh.it's used for the video game The Chronicles Of Spellborn too(:

2007-08-01T22:52:00.000+08:00

okok..i know it's like pretty random that i'm putting the theme song, "What's New Scooby Doo?". but i've been watching it on tv and i got a suspicion Simple Plan sang this song. well i'm right afterall! xD

2007-07-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

just changed blogskin^^ ((FINALLY.)) i think it's really nice. but i guess there's some problems with it though.. >.<>

OH YA.. FOREVER by PAPAROACH! [haha.discovered e band early last month((: ]

er..sry this is like, very the late..but i couldn't get to post on tt day..here goes(:

MONDAY;

cheryl tried tying one braid for the whole head! But because my hair was pretty layered, it ended up kinda messy.. >.<

TUESDAY;

cheryl then tied TWO braids for meh! haha.she tie until very tight [ouch.] but alot of ppl say it's very nice((:

the normal ponytail.

the braids.

after i took them out. MESSEH! xD

today we stayed back after school to finish up the biology practicals. wahlao Dawn Lim came late and in the end, we had to leave later, and in the end i also missed CAREGROUP!!! GaHh.

while waiting for the rest of the class to finish the experiments, i felt bored and decided to test paper for presence of starch. so i asked geraldine for a piece of paper [she tore a small strip from her handbook] and i started spraying a little iodine on it. Geraldine seemed interested and sprayed a little too. I wetted the paper and sprayed EVEN MORE and wala! a nice work of art! :DD

stuck the Work Of Art onto a hose of the tap. [oopsie.didn't mean to take pic of da ppl in da backgrnd >.< (from left)- Beverley, Jialing and Amanda.] pretty cool, huh?

WEDNESDAY;

the school had this "Eat Fruits and Vegetables Week".they gave us this packet of fresh vegetables [which my neighbour helped my family to fry with soy sauce.it tasted GOOD! :D] Well in addition, if you buy a meal got vege inside de frm e canteen, e stall owners wuld get this coupon to show tt you've eaten either vege or fruits and you're supposed to give to the monitors so can collate for the whole cohort. Well i bought Yi1 Mian4, and was lucky enough to get one of the few ORIGINAL cards! :DD the rest are photocopied de. [bcos not enough originals hehe.]

front. cute apple & tomato! [sharon MUST see this, haha.]

the back. i love red apples. <3>

THURSDAY;

today i woke up and felt that my throat was kinda pain and feared that i would get fever today. Well sadly, it came thru. somemore it was RAINING lohr. and my classroom got aircon! so

imagine-- a sick girl of 37.7 degress celcius, directly under where the aircon is blowing freezing-cold air, shivering in the thin jacket which provided me with not much warmth. THEN, i hv to outside of the classroom where it is almost equally as cold, as the heavy rain refuses to go away. As i tried to fight my way through the strong winds, i had only cheryl to support me. There was nothing else i could cling on to....

okok..CUT THE CRAP.

the first three sentences were correct and the other 2.. -.-" yeah, well it was super the duper cold, k! Belinda also was slightly feverish..

FRIDAY;

today i woke up and my fever was gone! WHEE~ did not take ANY medicine last night tho..cos i conked out le, hehe.

OH! today i forgot to bring my specs hook. so how? dun wanna get scolded by ma'ams lah. HERE COMES THE INGENIOUS [me]. i used..SCOTCH TAPE! :D

-i made one strip of scotchtape bundle (small, arnd the length of specs hook) and stuck it to my specs with s'more scotchtape. hee. Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures!

here's the thing... ma'am didn't even notice it was scotchtape! haha. Li Xin said it wasn't that obvious and that it actually looked like a real specs hook. HOORAY! ((:

2007-07-23T21:37:00.000+08:00

yesterday watched Transformers and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. One after the other! haha. first one watched with Bianca((: @ 11.45am and the second one i watched @3pm with Belinda and Bianca((: Sarah didn't go to Plaza Singapura with us..apparently she wasn't too interested in the harry potter movie...

Well..honestly, the Harry Potter movie sucked. I mean, every scene is so short lor, like they wanna cut down on time like that. So the effect is like not there le.. then the ending supper lame sia. wtf. dumbledore also dno how to act one la! when he looking at harry struggling to get voldermort outta his head, his face shuld display MORE CONCERN lohr. OH.and he tied his beard. weird!

Transformers is so much betta(: i mean, at first of course everyone wuld hv tot it wuld b a very lame movie like the cartoon. but hor, wrong! The special effects are very nice! The transformations very cool sia! ;D quite funny too, haha. i think the main character's the boy from the series Even Stevens, last time on Disney Channel got show de(:

last week..i dno why i kept thinking of Jadon... It has been 2 months le. actually, 2 months and 1 day. 22.05.07, the day i'll never forget. Its like, i can rmb it so clearly...whatever that happened on that fateful day and the days that followed too. i..still kinda sad...yeah. i realy hope his family's doing fine..better, i hope.

2007-07-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

whoa.today so fun! hahas. okay so today's activity was kinda sian. and there were only 12 of us present, because 2D had to go to science centre and the rest were sick.. -.-"

but i left early, at 10.55am, for church! hee. today so fun sia! Today's service is special. got event you know! IDENTITY! whee..like concert like that! and good news..today st. nicks brought in quite a few visitors! haha.

actually i got ask my cousin to go de. but he said that he felt like not going to church for one week. ah! i like abit sad..cos next week got FRIENDSHIP and i can't go bcos gta sci centre... >.<>

ohh!! tmr i gna watch TWO movies! haha. Transformers and Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix. ((: guess what? today bianca went to buy the last volume of the harry potter book series..and she msg-ed me tt she's got e book at.. 8.09am. haha.i don't blame her..she was so excited when she heard that the book was coming out in july! xDD

er...ytd abit the sad...today also..bcos sth happened... [i dno whether its impt or not]

2007-07-17T19:50:00.000+08:00

ytd was a funny day! :D hahas, well actually my day started off as a rather frustrating one..but after recess hor, so fun sia! During English Literature class, we were supposed to discuss the role and power of newspapers in our grps. Guess what? My group wrote out EVERYTHING. as in, VERY detailed description. show you...

NEWSPAPERS:

- inform
- influence
- complain
- advertise
- clear misunderstandings
- recounts
- interests
- apologise
- express gratitude
- orbituary
- appreciate
- recommendations
- job offers
- tips on keeping keeping pets (tips and information)
- enterainment

i tell you ah... me, debbie, geraldine and rachel read le, laugh until like siao ah! XD Laughed even more when we saw that debbie's mechanical pencil the eraser was replaced by TISSUE PAPER. [she lost the eraser...]

Then got drama class. When we trying to act out the people's inconsiderate acts hor, the last 2 groups very funny sia.

(1) Geraldine's group. They acted out the inconsiderate person [debbie] who purposely take up 2 seats and refuse to let anth passenger [geraldine] seat. The way debbie seat hor..so funny leh! you see she put up BOTH her legs on the other seat and she was supposedly leaning on the bus side. AND geraldine was acting out her scene, standing ON THE SIDE DEBBIE WAS LEANING. so what does that mean? Geraldine was standing OUTSIDE of the bus while trying to ask debbie to let her seat.

(2) Beverley's group. They were acting out a scene of a pregnant lady [annabel] trying to get a seat in a train but the rest of the passengers who were seated were ignoring her. When annabel was acting out her part, she was asking from THE BACK OF THE SEATS. so what does that mean? She was standing OUTSIDE OF THE TRAIN.

so much for a funny monday, haha. however, i was still frustrated and felt like i had to do sth really important. but in the end i managed to do it and i felt alot better(: oh! ytd i very happy! because we were released early at 1.30pm becuase sec4s got listening test.. ^^ It was like, reliving the "primary school times", getting released arnd that time.. well, alot of ppl like weishan they all go watch movie ytd too, haha. Transformers, if i'm not wrong...

[I GONNA WATCH IT ON FRIDAY! ;D]

okie.let's talk about today...

today ah..dno why morning jog so sian..like very humid like that.. Me and bianca run not even one round 'rnd the track hor, like wna die le leh... sweat so much s'more.. >.<

today recess i went over to ellie's side to sit down for awhile la, den i left cos next lesson gna start le.. but i left my wallet there. When ms ng's lesson started, ellie suddenly asked very loudly, "Aye, is this Gladys' wallet? Gladys, is this your wallet?" Everyone turned to look at me as i felt arnd and realised i did leave my wallet there. THEN dunno why.. i turned my head arnd slowly and with a supposedly rather funny expression on my face, i nodded. The whole class burst into laughter lah!

aiya..i also dno why i did that lor..like abit sub-conscious de.. -.-" [i think its bcos today i kinda tired and blur.... :\ ]

oh..the bangra dance ah..gna embarrass ourselves! oh no! haha. xD

kk.tt's all for today(:

2007-07-09T22:18:00.000+08:00

i've been saved 3 times.

The first being when I accepted Jesus Christ into my life. oh, how i never once regretted doing so! I just LOVE my beloved God so much.. He is my everything. And i will love him forever, with every fibre of my being.

The second. During sec one, i'm sure you all know i went thru this period of "depression". Well, Bianca saved me from it. She made me so happy. I can still remember it so well.. the small sacrifice she made... i've written about it in my previous posts.. I shall forever rmb it de...

The third. Soon after i was 'saved' from the depression, i went into another. Now Bianca couldn't help me.. It lasted so long.. until last month.when THE INCIDENT happened and we kept the family company.. i tried to make my cousin happy. And in the end i could, and became happy too. and that's probably why you'll see me alot happier nowadays(: that is, unless sth else happens....

I thank God for the people in my life. my friends and family members. they make me so happy. God makes me happy. XD

hee.

today ah..toilet got prob again! like last year, suddenly either got no water or water siao siao one.. this school hor, think too old liao le ah...

this aftn after drama class, i went to e toilet one same level as e MPR as e one on my classroom level no water de.. When i flush e toilet tt time, suddenly got explosion leh! luckily i standing near the door.. when i turn arnd to see, got some water arnd the toilet bowl and on the toilet seat..wah seh..scary sia! >.<

not only that.. when i wna wash hands, i see e tap water like yellow yellow de leh! i was like, EWW. AIN'T GNA WASH MY SOAPED HANDS THERE! so..i washed my hand as water cooler hehe. [aft wiping off e soap from my hands lah.] so damn disgusting lohr... hope tmr'll be better...

oh..think i'm gna keep a diary [finally] for a special reason..... :D

hahas. one random pic i took of myself today...

hee.like pai kia like tt...purposely put belt low low de.. bo liao mah.. :D

~~wah ytd got first **** from my *********..so shiok ah! :D~~

2007-06-30T20:29:00.000+08:00

he keeps looking again today. wth is his prob?? PiiSh.this is pissing me off.i REALLY hope it isn't me.

2007-06-26T19:47:00.000+08:00

well, it has once again been a long time since i've last posted, hais. Even Lixin says so haha. But well..i've been pretty busy..got an NPCC camp, JTC' 2007 camp. [it was A WHOLE LOT SLACKER than last year's, trust me. but it was sad, cause i couldnt get to burn much fats): ]

well i also was VERY busy.. stayed over at aunt's hse... Guess what? So far for the edulearn hw, i've only completed Physics [actually, got some parts i dno so i'm gna copy tmr(: ]. superSCREWED i tell you.esp e chinese bk review part... you all shuld noe how long i take to read one chpt...

but then hor, f***ing edulearn also at fault lor. on sunday, when i logged in, i couldnt find ANY hw AT ALL. they take down le lor! bleh. den cos my com is Windows Vista, den now if want to install Microsoft Word also very ex. Even the student package is $200+. twoHUNDERDbucks. now that's crazy.

i think the school's very NIAO. why cant they just simply print out for us? BUDGET SCHOOL ah.but thenk god for Weishan. she helped me to print out everything and passed them to me on mon(: i paid her, duhh. hahas.

well this month we've got sucky stiff, as in first, ENGLISH teacher Ng/Eng. wahlao she so organized and strict lohr. what RULES. this is discipline class ah? pls lah. NP alrdy got these stuff..then she like so old-fashioned... -.-"
second.our new timetable sux.i mean, everything's like so mixed up.and each day is so sian.esp fri. GOT # languages- chi. eng and malay. PiishH.this is pissing me off.then smore got COMMON TEST & cca.

and mr ho's being replaced by Phee.And Phee's being replaced by dno who. And for C-lit wang lao shi's not taking us): think its Wisdom's chi teacher. And Dawn Lim reminds me of sarah, my sec1 junior..

What a way to start term 3.

2007-06-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

hey guys! wah..long time no post liao! hehe.you know why i so happy? I just got back frm FIRST FRONTIER church camp! ;D

hahas, it was very fun you know! even more fun than last dec's Breakthrough camp. I think its partially because last year's camp was 3D/2N. but this year's camp is.. FOURdaysTHREEnights! more relaxed, cos dun hv to squeeze everything into 3 days only. or should i say, 2 and half days... But then we had to pay $20 more this time round. However, i heard from sarah that the $120 we paid was only enough to cover our stay at Singapore Sports School and as for our meals, the church sacrificed and helped to pay for us. Thank God for them!

I think that this time i experienced God more. I really enjoyed Praise and Worship, Prayer meet and everything else. I mean, this time round i felt alot more happier than last year. -LOOK- what's more, either yesterday or two days ago, when we hv the workshop period, for my grp of ppl, the camp leaders taught us abt the importance of bringing more ppl to Christ, and tt our caregrps must try to outreach to more ppl from our schs. I don't noe why, but altho its a simple lesson, i suddenly felt an URGE to be come a shepherd.. PRAISE THE LORD!

[p.s. i wna be a very nice shepherd like my own, Hui Tian! ]

oh. guess what? today i slept at 6+ am and woke up at 8+! broke my record! hahas.i dno why but when i woke up, i was still kinda energetic. Wanna noe why i slept so late? Well, since it was the last night of the camp, most of us didnt want to just slp thru it but instead stayed awake and played(: Me, Sharon, Emily and Si Ning played abit of captainball and soccer with Kuo Chan [i think tt's how his name's spelt] , Leonard and Hui Tian. But we modified abit la. but hey! For soccer, all five of us girls won the boys! hehe. [won't tell you how tt's possible :D ]

I think all of you should be aware and warned tt whenever it comes to Games/Sports time, i can bcom REALLY crazy! you noe what? throughout the whole time playing, i was screaming lor. oh wells.

GUYS. i mean, literally guys.
(1) got one guy hor, he dno why go wear hairband and yesterday he wore a sandals tt looks kinda like a girl's de leh. He's from NorthEast too. Looks kinda weird but..i think he looks kinda pretty actually(: But i think he looks alot better w/o hairband and with cap, he looks better.
(2) then got anth guy, frm NorthEast too, dno why i keep feeling like he's staring at me quite a few times le. I look arnd la, to see whether mayb he staring at sm1 else. but i also not sure leh. i mean, i nvr talk to him b4 and its abit the freaky.... :\

OH! i paid $8 for this NorthEast shirt. Its really nice la. Its white with gold designs. E material is kinda thin but its pretty comfy leh. [sry i forgot to take a pic of it first b4 putting it to wash.. -.-"]

LAlala...

i just got a new phone last tues/wed! :D Sony Ericsson K618i. WHEE~

i've got a NEW COMPUTER TOO! it came on tues and now i'm using it.. YAY!!! dun hv to deal with tt siao siao com again! :D

2007-06-06T16:42:00.001+08:00

heys.me back after long time sia(: keeping it short though...

i just came back from atc camp, from 1-3 june. eh.what can i say ah.. not so nice leh. though its much more slacker than jtc, i still find that jtc more fun. atc so draggy one.. and then cos its area camp [GO AREA 3!] then got other schools in the same area la. got mixed sch and bcos its npcc, of course got more boys than girls, hais.

some of my sqdmates say that the boys in their grps [we split up into six grps] very selfish one, when meal time they snatch up al the biscuits and left the girls with the maggie noodles. then got one guy i think he's my p1 classmate sia.

yesterday go out with belinda and bianca, but sarah mum suddenly say she cant go.. sad!!
we watched spiderman3, movie. okay la..but reminds me abit of the incident...

2007-05-29T14:10:00.000+08:00

Jadon's favourite song- Ben Cao Gang Mu; Jay Chou

Video- Starfuckers Inc. ; Nine Inch Nails

sry, no post...

2007-05-22T23:05:00.000+08:00

“treasure all your loved ones, for anytime you may lose them”. common saying. Hard to believe, it happened to me today. That’s right. My cousin Jadon lost his life to a truck accident. And I’m sad. Everyone’s sad. Everyone’s grieving. Especially his family. Uncle Chin Soon, yi yi Helen and 哥哥 daryl, I really don’t know what to say. I really don’t know what to do to make you all feel better.

I regret. I regret not spending enough time with Jadon. I regret not getting to know him more. I regret not talking to him that much. I regret.

It is a terrible loss. He was just a mere Primary Three student. A rather bright student, I suppose. A pleasant child. And to think we called him mummy’s boy, cause he’d sometimes whine. But he is kind of independent, as compared to my brother. And my brother actually ended up quarrelling with Jadon the last time they met. Does he feel remorse? I don’t know.

When I first heard the news, I too, like my sister, had at first thought it was a joke. Until I saw tears pricking at her eyes. Shock. Plain shock. It was just so sudden. So sudden I couldn’t accept it at first. Then I thought of Jadon, the last time I saw him. The last time I would ever hear his voice. The last time I would ever see him again.

Tears pricked at my eyes, and like rain, they started to fall. No words can describe this sadness I’m feeling right now. No amount of praying or crying will bring Jadon back, sadly. But I pray for Jadon, that he will be with the Lord. That he will be with Jesus Christ. That he will walk hand in hand with God.

I guess I should be the one who leaves this world, and not him. I asked God why him and not me, when I’m already ready to go. Why him, a young boy of age 8? He do NOT deserve to die. He do NOT deserve to taken away from his family and other loved ones. I do. I’ve got no future. He has. And a very bright one too.

I think I can’t and do not know what it is like to love someone anymore. To even start with a friend is just so hard. I think I do not know what love is anymore. After she walked away to her new circle of friends quite some time ago. I feel I’ve lost all purpose of life. That special friend I gave my heart to, but was broken and is still not mended. And therefore, I feel that I should have been the one gone. No one would miss me like they do Jadon now. I know I’m not worth. He is.

And here’s a song, my blog song, for Jadon.

Leave Out All The Rest

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I’m done here

So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I’ve made

I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

[[ Linkin Park writes nice and really meaningful lyrics. (: ]]

2007-05-21T21:27:00.000+08:00

well guys, today is surely a BADD day for me. unlucky, if you say so.

MATHS TRAIL DAY 1: sianz. i mean, i simply cannot facilitate. and then the grp me and xinhui are supposed to facilitate, G4, keep running to keep up with the ones in front. cos they walked slow. EVEN WORSE. they kept on splitting up lohr. me and xinhui had a hard time for those two probs.. >.<

UNLUCKY #1: today have blocked nose AND EARS. so pardon me cos i'm abit e deaf today and yesterday >.<

UNLUCKY #2: before trail started, i waved to bianca and said hello from a distance of only 30 CENTIMETRES or so, but she didnt even look at me or said hello back. said hello again, louder this time. nope, no response again. sad.

UNLUCKY #3: lunch. as i got into my seat, my right hand accdentally landed on the handle of the fork on my plate that was sticking out and it FLUNG out, talking a piece of curry chicken and some rice plus curry gravy with it, STAINING my PE SHIRT, PINAFORE, and omg.. MY BAG! gosh i'm so damn sad man! my precious bag and e othr stuff stained... *sniff* LUCKY i was kinda tired at that time ah. if not i would 爆炸 by then ah. you should know how bad-tempered i can be. but then i didnt wna waste energy again.. lazy! :D

so..whatta do with my clothes? well i thought going home by public transport with my stained sleeve [its very obvious. very, i tell you.] was not going to be nice. so i asked cheryl how, and she suggested i go home wearing her jacket. i said okay, and decided to wear pe shirt and shorts with e jacket, no pinafore, sleeve rolled up to my elbow there.

BIG MISTAKE. regret man! i mean, immediately when i stepped out of the room, i knew i was not going to have an easy time. The sun was SMILING DOWN on Singapore, man. By the time i walked to the canteen from class hor, i already felt i was a roasted chicken. So i bought ice! [nope, not apple ice cos its outta stock): some orange-coloured ice which sorta tastes like its colour xD]

MISSED THE BUS. but then, i decided again, not to be angry, but save the energy for keeping myself cool in this hot weather wearing a jacket. reached mrt station nearest to my home, STILL have to walk home for abt 10-15 mins... Needless to say, i sweated like a pig [umm, maybe not tt literal.. -.-"]. i mean, JACKET leh! i'm sure everyone was staring at me thinking, what on earth is she wearing a jacket on such a hot day?! siao ah!

hais. so much for tring to hide some stupid curry stain(s).

2007-05-20T17:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday... i got LINKIN PARK's album MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT! xDD

whee...hehe i got it from Popular, cos its cheaper than in HMV or in Sembawang... $17.95! It came with a poster too! Poster got both sides de(: one is e album cover page, and the other side is got e member's upclose pic.

i went with my dad cos before that we went to take e passport-sized photos for e stupid chinese course. 8 BUCKS! wahseh... my heart pain leh! from my own pocket... for 6 pics only... PLUS i look damn ugly lor... hais.

my dad ah... guess what? he was quite EXCITED when he accompanied my to purchase e album.. you noe hor, he OFFERED to carry my poster as we walked home, claimed he COULDN'T WAIT to see my poster (it was rolled up) and tried to open but i tell him go home then see... HOME: just as we stepped into the hse, he COUDN'T RESIST anymore.. and took out e rubber band.. He even helped me to paste e poster on my bedroom wall! xD

he couldn't wait to hear e cd also, an got e cd player ALL READY. so..i played it(: hahas, its abit funny when you see your own dad react like this, esp a 42 year-old.. and it makes you HAPPY(: too.

its quite okay, actually... i think its partially bcos first time hear only mah(: i think i sorta like e third track of each albums i hv.. like for this album, my FAVOURITE song is 'Leave Out All The Rest' ... super nice song man! [ though its not a single, it is played during the Prison Break 2 trailer for this coming thurs's episode(: ] put it as my blog song!(:

2007-05-17T21:27:00.000+08:00

okays. i know my life's pretty messed up. I am pretty messed up myself. My family, friends and myself. They all are affecting me to come to this state of having such loneliness and sadness in me.
THE STRESS FROM SCHOOL TOO.
mom and dad not on good terms, hard to talk nicely, really. Dun really have friends. Me not daring to speak up/out.

Monday-- got sore eyes. scared it was tt my blood vessel had broke. Luckily jialing had eyedrop and my eyes was better aft awhile..so its OKAY! :D

Tuesday-- HORRIBLE ms susan lim encounter. but she turned out to be quite nice actually. WHEN YOU TALK TO HER. i guess i've lost ALOT FACE. heck. let e ppl think what they want. Her b'day: two days ago. [sorry i didnt wish her! >.<]

2007-05-11T18:04:00.000+08:00

today is SAD. today is ms goh san's LAST DAY in school... till most probably NEXT YEAR! gaHh.... ARGH!! *sniff* so sad! )':

she says she gots some sickness, and she'll hv to be in the hospital and under treatment for MONTHS. and that she'll not be able to come back to school for the rest of the year...i'm not sure what illness she has exactly, but it sounds REALLY serious. She says she'll tell us when she's ready to...and when she'll be ready for visitors too.

but by then she'll most likely be unable to teach us english again!!!!

i'm really sad she's not going to teach us le... she's so nice, probably the NICEST ENGLISH TEACHER i've ever had... But then dunno why my tears just REFUSED to come out! pfft. >.<
i felt very guilty when almost everyone was crying their eyes out as ms goh broke the painful news to us... wish i had paid more attention during her class and did better for macbeth and english!

but for now, we can only sms her or email her. LET'S ENTERTAIN HER! ;D hahas.. well i'll definitely keep praying for her as often as i can. God is good, all the time. Amen!

2JUSTICE'07 ~LOVE~ YOU MS.GOH! we'll miss you greatly! >.<

[[ hope don't get a sucky teacher like nath and martin. ]]

2007-05-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

today is BRAIDS DAY. hahas. dunno why today after recess, almost half of the class ended up having their hair tied into braids, giving the 'excuse' that we are supporting Beverley for the speech. CHERYL WORKS WONDERS! :D hahas, she tied everybody's braids lehs!

well, me, natalie, alison, jiaxin and jordana had two little braids cos our hair were too short >.< i dunno, think it made me look toot-toot hehe.but i still very happy cheryl tied braids for me(: i mean, braids are simply just PRETTEH.

oh yars, Beverley WON FIRST PLACE for the speech thingy today!! :DD i very happy! hehe, and i'm pretty glad loyalty didnt win first too(: but then i heard from huier, whom heard from amelia that their scores were very close..only HALF mark difference! whee...screamed my lungs out when they announced Beverley as the winner...at sore throat now heh... :\

[[ still can't change colour of my posts! watthehell. ]]

2007-05-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

okays.i've decided. should i be lesbian or even bisexual, i don't care le, so long as i'm happy(: i won't care whether people don't approve or not. It is MY life, and not theirs. But then again, i think i'm straight! :D

dunno lah. i think i shouldnt think much about these stuff. but i also not hehe. Its just..i'm extremely tired these days and i'm not keen on getting into a relationship any sooner. NOT A SINGLE BIT.

if you were to notice or observe me as i walk home, or go out of my house, i would present myself as either 'sloppy' or 'tired'. As in you would notice things about me like:

(1) my specs would droop down my nose a little but i take awhile before i push them up again,
(2) my eyes would be 3/4 close,
(3) my eyes would hv e blur-blur look, looking down,
(4) i would try to look away from any cute guy or anyone else and instead focus on another non-living thing,
AND
(5) i would not really smile.

All these to show that i am not interested.uninterested. Because i really and truly ain't.

Besides, now i've got TWO frustrations-- MATHS and CHINESE.
i HaTE expansion and factorisation! i mean, i don't get it AT ALL. and i get so worked up over one question i don't know how to do. rahh.
CHINeSe ah.surely die one lah.the 公函 everybody get so high marks and me leh, 11. pffft.didnt include time, date and details of what's gonna happen. ):

AND THESE FEW DAYS SO HOT AND HUMID SOMEMORE. no breeze! >.<

new stuff up on my blog!

- [[ i hate everything about you- THREEdaysGRACE ]]
love this song man! i mean, when i first heard it, i FELL IN LOVE with it.
i love angry songs(:

- [[ all about us- t.A.T.u. ]]
for joey, who likes this music video better than ya soshla s uma, hahas. and of course for everybody else too! ;D
dun worry ppl. this music video has NO kissing or whatsoever(: or maybe abit 'disgusting'... if you see it my way.

2007-05-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

today's 2.4km was great! yeah finally can get A!! Very happy with this year's NAPFA test! all 'A's! whee... ^^

hahas.okay.yesterday i went to watch t.A.T.u.'s music video " Ya Soshla S Uma" [ All The Things She Said ] on youtube... it is like sth abt lesbians de i think. lena and yulia got kiss in e music vd. BUT don't get me wrong! it's not like i don't like it or sth. in fact, i love it. i don't noe lah..but when i saw them kiss hor, i inside my mind was like, WOW. and they're only 14 [yulia]and 15 [lena] at that time.

i think Yulia is SUPER cute in the video :D but lena is like..uhms..shit? i dno la but when i first watched e music vd rite, Yulia remind me alot of my cute cute a.j. from America's Next Top Model 7 ^^ here's a pic of meh a.j. ...

she's so pretty! and in the show, when she talks, i just can't help but notice that her nose makes her look even cuter.. >.<

I've put up the music video at e bottom of my blog...so you all can see it if you want(: but like i've said before, got two girls kissing... (:

[[ i DUN WANNA BE LESBIAN! ]]

2007-05-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

guess what? today as my mum's car was turining out to e main road, i saw a car coming out on the opposite side.what's so 'special' abt it? well i saw e driver was this woman, and i thought she looked like a girl from FINAL FANTASY. think she looks sth like this...

[well, e lady's hair was light brown instead...]

but then..seriously lehs! she really looked like e girl in e pic.. >.<>

argh.yesterday's science test and today's history test was HORRID. yepp you got that right. TERRIBLE. aiya surely get super low marks de lahs.. ): dno why this year my science all so sucky de..hais.

OH YAH! yesterday also have the SPEECH! damn disaster lohrs..i mean, i was e last to speak before recess and..EVERYONE could tell that i was super nervous lahs.... and i actually spoke..around TWENTY seconds faster than when i timed myself at home.. >.<

cheryl so cute! e bing-bang-pow or sth like that^^ ...the donald duck and mickey mouse too! xD hahas...

[[today finally went recess tgth with bianca they all(: FINALLY. yay~ ]]

2007-05-01T15:18:00.000+08:00

I so happy! ^^ hahas, yesterday i like very lucky! ((:

FIRST- this time round my chinese paper i gots 31 and half marks! WHEE~ i didn't fail! and what's more...its almost TWICE my previous test's score! xDD hehe but then i guess i threw away 10 and half marks anw..hais..

SECOND- as i was walking back from 2truth after carrying wanglaoshi's laptop there, i saw that e THIRD CLASS DRILLS test results was up... i PASSED! YAY~ didn't know how, but i just did anyway ><

THIRD- yesterday we were supposed to present our indian culture project and my grp still was not done. THANK GOODNESS the previous two grps took quite long and by then sch was over! *RELIEVED!* ~ rehearsed skit yesterday again.. (:

FOURTH- yesterday had NAPFA 5 stations and i was quite worried. but then i actually did A LOT BETTER than expected! X) HOORAY~ hehheh..dno how de but last year gots work very hard den get only 'okay' results. but this year didn't practice or what AT ALL and still can do better den last year..hehe..MIRACLE!

yepp! it really was a lucky day for meh! i went home, exhausted to e bone hehe.. THANK GOD FOR everything~

[[worries]] : tmr's science common test, indian culture presentation and speech... )):

2007-04-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i had quite a few dreams, and they all seemed to have lasted quite long over the night. One was sth like alot of random ppl keep approaching me and telling me who their crushes are, and who they like, one after another. It was weird, but i actually listened to them talk. Just listen i guess, and mayb i got advise them on some tips ;D

Then i also dreamt of the pastry on top of Country Manna's mushroom soup..hehe yesterday went there for dinner..but the pastry VERY nice lehs! Very buttery and also some crispy, just the way i like it((: was thinking abt it all the way till i slept you see, haha.

Well, i did dream of my cousin too. Don't ask. It was some random dream too. But then i think it was partially because my sister and i were talking abt his character yesterday night. He's a really REALLY nice guy i tell you. My cousin. I mean, his character is really good lah. Although he;s angry with someone, he tries to control his anger. He speaks up for his own rights too. Like most of e time when his parents are unreasonable. He's a gentle guy, as in he's not gay okay. He sort of strongly dislikes gays. But i guess its understandable. He doesn't wanna be homo...

And he's kinda cute too(: Both definitions of 'cute'. If we were not cousins, i would have 'snatched' him up almost immediately. But sadly we are, and there's nothing i can do abt it): But i do look up to him as a 'big brother' and a griend, although we're not so close... he talks more to my sis...

He's fifteen this year and he had a girlfren before. Last year. But they broke up quite long ago liao. My cousin DEFINITELY doesn't go for those kind of bitchy girls. He likes cute girls with quite nice characters. He cares more abt the inside than the outside(: And that's one of the many things that i like abt him too. I do hope that the girls he like do like his character too, and not just his appearance. Such guys are hard to come by. I think he's like, one of the very few guys i've met whose character is just.. AWESOME. i think he's a good fren too(: And so i really hope that the people he would meet, and also the people he have already met would really appreciate him(:

Talking abt e boyfriend/girlfriend thingy, i think that should anyone ask me if i were ready for a relationship, my answer to them would be "maybe". There are quite a few factors that affects my answer. I think the reason is because i'm afraid that if i were really in one, i would not be able to give HIM what he wants. And i would feel very bad. Sort of like as if i have 'cheated' him in some way.

I think that if i love someone so passionately, i would be very, VERY serious about the whole thing. I guess i would be pretty frank and open with him/her and if there was sth i feel i just have to tell him/her, i would prefer a face-to-face talk with him.her. And i'd prefer that no one else is around too. I'm not so sure if i'm afraid of being rejected because i've never gotten into one before. But i guess i've thought abt it before. [ if not, why would i even bother to type this whole paragraph huh? XD ] But then i guess everyone is afraid of rejection, not only in relationships.

With my 'blur-ness', who knows?

2007-04-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBB-O! debbie!! she's turning fourteen today!! ahs so happy for her((: my dear debbie.. all grown up! *sniff*

just really regretted i didnt come to sch and missed out e celebration in class in e morning )': feel REEAALLLYYY bad now :\\ but wishes all the same! ;D

2007-04-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

yo! FINALLY changed blogskin! yay^^

hahas, well this time its WHITE. dunno why but i felt like having a white blogskin(: but then..i have to apologise if my previous posts the font colours are too light.. its not the same old black background you see.. :\

but let's talk about today!

TODAY. went to sch with e new haircut..and people say that i looked alot better.and that they liked my hairstyle.i was like, 'no lah...' THEN wei shan and alvona asked me where i go cut my hair, and also to help them get the address.but hor, its actually someone's hse next to my pri sch hehe. well i offered to bri wei shan's family there if she wanted but then i'm gonna find out the address of the hairdresser's hse anws(:

NEXT. abigail kept calling me 'mei2 nu4'! hahas... but then i went, 'no... pls dun call me dat lehs...' eh..like i said before la, dun want so much attention anytime, anywhere.but apparently i was getting alot.. >.<

oh yars, tmr going to police heritage centre! can leave sch earlier! :D hehe.. BUT sadly i wun be able to join squadmates for dinner at Fish&Co.. dno what's dat but i do noe its a place where you go to eat! XD

2007-04-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

today i cut hair! but hor..SO SHORT! aHH... ): told e auntie to cut layer, and not so short cos i still wna tie hair.. BUT. she cut until i can't tie le..so i now hv short hair le lohrs..

but then THE WORST PART is..my fringe so SHORT! >.<>

but the good thing is that now layered alot so.. not so hot le! yay^^ last time hair so thick and messy..take a really long time to dry sia..

actually tot mayb next week then go cut hair but my sis said today she going so i go with her lahs, haha. hers she layered but the length remained more or less same.her fringe she asked auntie to cut like eyebrow there. she cut like ok lehs.. EXCEPT. she looks like her head on top got sth missing..her thick top before she go cut hair heh..

oh wells, guess its like dat everytime we just cut hair.. but we'll get used to it soon(: i HOPE.

2007-04-13T21:40:00.000+08:00

TODAY I VERY THE HAPPY! :D haha, why lehs? because i completed TEN rounds round e school track today! eh.. 5 rounds during pe lesson and anth 5 more rounds during np hehe..but its such a great accomplishment to meh! ^^ erms, think i ran slightly better for np de(: i think its partially bcos after rain than weather like more cooling(: but then anws, YAY!! (:

today also go anderson secondary school for a meeting for maths trail..okays la.saw a few of my church frens and one pri sch fren hehe.. two frm girl guides and e othr frm st.john! haha okok..back to e meeting.uhms, we went into this room and it was i think supposed to be a very cheerful and cosy nice room [which cheryl liked alot] but somehow i didnt really like it.. :\ it was too.. COLOURFUL and CHEERFUL for me lehs..

At first we were like, refusing to talk to each other but then i THINK it turned out quite okay. turned out sarah chen's pri sch fren was doin e maths trail too heh. they went like, 'hi!' enthusiastically when they saw each other..so good lohrs! wish one of my pri sch frens were in e comittee too.. :P

oh yars, we decided on suntec city(: gonna be a busy term for us man! cos guess both schools hv to meet up quite often le..next time rnd its THEIR turn to come to our sch yay! ah..e 'mini grps' which we split into so that we can focus on diff areas of e place we've chosen hor..actually its 2 frm st.nics plus 2 frm anderson sec de ren2 form one grp.but gang1 gang1 hao2 joven and anth person frm anderson sec didnt come..and there were 3 boys in e comittee..so cheryl, abigail and huier discussed AND EXCHANGED PHONE NUMBERS with them [but we all did with our grps anws heh..]..

o.O must be thinking what i'm thinking eh? :D haha jkjk lahs..but got one guy small sized de like very cute lehs..as in xiao3 hai2 zi3 cute..but cheryl said he very funny, and abit horny haha.

really glad i can post again for today(: two times in a row for two days! whee..

2007-04-12T17:20:00.000+08:00

They always leave me out. Whenever i try to start a conversation, they answer me like i'm some irritant. They always seem pissed off when they answer. They often laugh together, like as if mocking me. That i would never be as close as them. Like as if they would be buddies for life. They don't seem to notice if i've gone off. Only one usually says goodbye. I've taken some initiative, like one have suggested so they won't only talk abt their 'stuff'. But they still do. All smiles when they talk to each other, but none when i'm participating in the conversation.

One of them sort of 'copy' me. Since i started tying my hair, she's been letting down more of her fringe. Yesterday morning i noticed her watch was way much looser than before. And i've had my watch loose since the beginning of secondary sch life, and she's had hers on almost sticking to her wrist all the while till now.

I guess i don't really like the fact that ppl would copy me and 'steal' my so'called 'original look'. Some things, the way i do it, makes me feel sort of 'original' and that i noe i'm not copying ppl. Just like the fact that i hate people just STARING at me for no particular reason. That's why i try very hard not to stare at others too. I'm not boasting or anything of that sort. Its just really one of the things i try hard to do.

But then, mayb i shuld break away from them. I mean, whenever i'm with them, i feel such great sadness in me. I think i don't really noe why. Or mayb its just that a part of me refuses to let my brain know so i can put on this blog post..hais. But then its like if i don't go with them, i'm afraid we might be some sort of enemies in the near future.

I think this is a very short post.and its pretty much incomplete.i'm sry but i cant seem to realy 'concentrate' now i think lehs.. :\ next time. (:

[damn the stinking factotisation..]

2007-04-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

heys okok so i lied abt not being able to post today..this is 'illegal', as in i'm not supposed to use com aft ten but, heh.ain't this good? (: finally can post aft a LONG time! :D okok today's post will not be that pleasant again la, sry:\ slightly horrid day, hais.well, here goes..

today i stayed back until 5 plus to use e com at sch library, hopin to find more info for e india ipw proj la.but it wasn't so..well, successful la, sadly): but i found out sth IRRELEVANT hehe.i realised that the 'i can't save anyth' prob lied in my thumbdrive): keh.so disappointing lohrs..OK! back to story.. So i went up the bus, and sat opposite this lady la [facing each other de].she was like dozing off.but halfway thru e trip, she woke up and took out a packet of crackers.guess what? She PURPOSELY let e red plastic bag drop on the floor leh! I mean, like, its so obvious she did it delibrately de lah.and she was like trying to look away.

i hesitated for awhile before i finally gathered my courage to tell her to pick up the red plastic bag.you know what THAT woman said?

"Its not mine.Can help me throw away?" she picked it up and passed to me. So of course i REFUSED to be bullied by that IRRESPONSIBLE woman and said, "No its yours.You throw it away yourself."

She angry le lah, starting to say, "Who are you ah? You should respect your elders ah! I older than you ok?" I tried to explain to her that what she was doing was wrong, but would she listen? NO. Then we stopped for awhile and she kept staring at me. [THANK GOD my name tag was covered by my bag strap ah! ]

And i smiled.guess that made her even madder(:

After awhile, going to reach yio chu kang mart station liao le, she said "excuse me" so she can go out.Then she started again. "Who are you to tell me what to do ah?" I replied, "I'm a human being." Actually, what i meant to say was that i'm a human being too.And i deserve the right to speak out my opinions. Then she went, "So? So what you human being? Wah you are..your mouth so..so..your mouth so bad ah.So rude! I older than you ok? You should respect me ok?" [what kind of respect does this woman deserve? UNREASONABLE like shit ah!]

Again i tried to explain to her.Then she said, "Yah i don't want people to tell me." [that she's wrong, i suppose. ] With that, she got off her seat [THANK GOD again, and that i didnt see her at mrt station later on too].But what did she do? She went to a group of st.nics sec4 girls and said, "Your classmate ah.So rude!" Classmate?? HAH. Well that made me felt a little angry and i felt ABIT like crying.but i didnt(: After that, at the mrt station the grp of sec4 girls approached me and asked me what happened.so i told them.Nice girls, they are(: they told me not to worry abt that crazy woman, heh.Well, actually i recognised one of em as one of my ma'ams, though she and i don't really noe each other but oh wells(:

That woman on the bus was really unreasonable lor. I really think she kinda 'looks down' on people who are younger than her, trying to exercise her 'right' as an elder. I bet she wouldn't dare to say all those stuff she said to me to an adult, or if my frens were around me. I mean, SHE was the one who started it lor. She refused to pick up the plastic bag, denying it was hers, THEN trying to change the subject and put the blame on me.

So knowing me, i sweared. Under my breath and in my head, of course.wouldn't want the people on the bus to think bad of me heh.I must not seem so bad la, if not they really think i was really in the wrong, for they would be able to tell that i'm a 'bad' child because i swear.Called her a f***ing a**h***, (: and some others heh.

but then i told myself that i was doing the right thing all along. And that God noes who is in the right and who is in the wrong. That i shall not be affected by what others think of me. For the judgement shall be passed when we leave this world. That God IS a fair god, and he shall bring people justice.

but i guess its mostly because i've become sorta 'emotionless' le la. [think i've mentioned this before but not sure hehe.] As in, i can 'block' out some emotions that would overwhelm me like when i felt like crying, somehow ABIT of me was pushing away that emotion, like as if it were kind of a 'natural instinct' le. [ at least i THINK i can 'block' out sometimes.. ] its great, i think(: cause then i won't care much abt what others think, and my life shall not really be affected(:

haha okays i think i'd better finish up my work le..buh bye! :D

2007-03-12T19:19:00.000+08:00

[heys e following's actually supposed to be posted like, a week ago lah.actually, make that last monday..but got no time and a few days ago internet connection got prob): but all's okay now, yay! :D]

look.i don't give a fcking damn whether i'm so harsh with my words now or not, cos i'm leaving my house for genting in like, SOON. i'm really sry though. i'm pretty upset and angry now, but i just have to let it all out.i wna vent it all out.but *someone* is ordering me not to.then how else can i vent out my frustrations? i definitely don't want to treat my cousins like shit later on.. keh i will start now.

i'm just so mad today.but first i was sad.it usually happens like this.first i'm sad.then it changes and becomes anger.let's face it.i'm an angry kid with a sad, pathetic life. unreasonable too.and i always make people angry or sad.its just me and i guess i'm destined to be this way forever.

today's OT4 first outing tgth and i can tell you its not ONE BIT pleasant at all.but first, let me tell you what's OT4 and hu's in it. its One True 4, and there's the ebil, the devil's daughter, the angel and satan's puppet. (: i guess you all should know that i'm satan's puppet(: [messenger] haha.well belinda's the ebil, sarah chen's the devil's daughter and bianca's the angel(: well the funny thing is, One True 4 sounds like a very..good kinda group.don't cha think so? but the members are like, so bad kinda people..ebil [EVIL], DEVIL's daughter and SATAN's puppet.only bianca's the ANGEL(: heh. but then, my 'name' really suits me i guess as i said earlier on i was born to make people angry and sad. the other thing is that..yeah i'm sad and all.

well, back to the trip.today all of us wore skirts [HAH.] and i was late): just HAD to make bianca wait so long.pfft. i mean, THAT'S IT lah.i'm FOREVER late. is there a SINGLE day which i'm NOT late? doubt you can find any lohr. gahh.

OKAY I SHALL GET TO THE POINT. well, today i felt very bad as in..i somehow think that with each passing day i'm like drifting further and further away from bianca.and that's mostly why i'm sad i guess.she always have to hear me complain.she always have to be the one i would complain to.she must be sick and tired of me.and i'm not good enough for her.she can comfort me, but how can i show her my care? i love her as a fren.a very good fren.but its just that i can't find a way to make her happy.i want to, but i guess e other two can.i only make her sadder.

like sarah chen and belinda.THEY can make her laugh, smile and everything.but i can't. i'm just so useless.i'm just an idiotic 'friend'.

today i found it exceptionally hard to talk to bianca.and she seems to be tgth with sarah more.mayb i'm jealous, i'm not so sure.but it really broke my heart. it really breaks my heart just thinking and seeing how incapable i am.esp now the three of them are in e same class, smarties they are.only i'm the stupid one. pathetic one in a different class.sarah's in same cca with bianca, and so she can see her ever so often.whenever i feel sad in class, none of them would be able to see it.none of them would ever know.and it would be so sick to tell them just lyk that.it just isnt fair.

but i guess i should be happy.'cause i did wish once for my heart to be broken.so i may die wih a broken heart.then everyone would hate me.and that they would forget about me.they would not care at all when i die.'cause' the happiest day of my life would be the day that i die.

yeah we had some fun times tgth. [like when belinda helped me buy a NC16 movie -- UNDERWORLD in hmv today! HAHA i owe her big time man! XD ]
and we watched the Ghost Rider movie today.of course, sarah and bianca sat tgth and they seemed very happy.

[ah.sry i dun wna continue le..very sad and i'm trying not to be sad now le..though i'm kinda tired and hv alotta headaches these few days cause i've not been able to slp well for like, TWO weeks.. ): ]

2007-03-03T21:19:00.000+08:00

hey guys.REALLY sry man...i hvn posted in like, AGES. today's uhm.. 3rd march and i last posted on feb19..gAhh.

this week was SHIT. and i'm not gonna replace the 'I' with a '*' okay.cos it really is.[just like two weeks ago.] i mean, yeah last week was kinda shuang, cos of CNY(: but now come back, its like EVERYDAY got test ah! some days got TWO tests some more..BLEH! and yepp, i failed my chinese again, jus like i did my f***ing chi compo.this term's results are really gonna be shitty. i'm SERIOUS.you look at my chinese results and you'll noe.math i threw away FIVE marks jus bcos of a *small* CARELESS mistake.only a little subtraction can lead to e whole problem sum wrong! gAHh! history - BORDERLINE pass.i mean, really.you divide 25 by 2, and you'll get my test marks.EXACTLY. sci i like get 3/4 of e total test marks, den now 2/3.what.next time 1/2 issit?? [don't ask about the rest, PLEASE. you DON'T wanna hear.]

keh.e othr day blogger 'forced' me to change to 'new blogger' hor, CAN'T republish AT ALL leh! yeah, you got that right.so guys, i'm sry if i hvnt linked you or sth..e settings are already saved but stupid blogger won't republish): i wanna change song also cannot lor. only can post.. MIGHT AS WELL DELETE THE WHOLE THING lor!

2007-02-19T19:30:00.000+08:00

hey dudes.sry i hvn been posting..happy chinese new year guys! (:

2007-02-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

The Motivation Proclamation!! *loves* haha, its a really nice song you just gotta hear guys! i'm just so crazy over it.. and omg, GOOD CHARLOTTE!!

haha, its just a few days ago bianca lent me her gc debut alb and marilyn manson's first alb too..i really like some songs in mm's alb, like tainted love, mOBSCENE and.. THIS IS THE NEW SHIT! but good charlotte's better! i LOVE em, man! e whole alb was jus, AWESOME. bianca said they sounded immature..but i find it funnily cute! [thinks of billy too].

2007-02-03T20:13:00.000+08:00

i'm just so sick of everything now..i don't exactly noe why but, yeah.its just..i dunno..i just feel so tired, and i feel so much hatred in me..i can't even smile...i can't even smile... i just feel like everything is hopeless..me and my f**king self.bad luck and f**king studies..i feel like i hate everyone now..but you all noe i don't..i just, feel this way..this sick feeling i have once again.. argh! its just..wtf. i hope i ain't going thru the same 'depression' like last year..but i really think i am.. its just so sick..'cause when i have this f**king 'depression', i tend to talk much lesser, and i'm afraid i don't talk much to the people i know..and ppl will ask me what's wrong with me.i don't want them to worry..i don't want anyone to worry for me.. i just want to deal with this myself. i just..hate myself so much, i KNOW i ain't worth any love, any care. i'm just so depressed now.i hate everything i see, feel, hear, whatever.f**k it.i just want to get rid of this extremely sick feeling! i feel like screaming out! but i can't...'cause i can't get anything out.i hate...i hate everything there is in this world.i think everything is so sick.

and yet, i must live on.i'm like a walking zombie, my mind often blank.i can't really describe to you guys but, yea.its really hard for me..even billy can't cheer me up..i really regret..i hvn been treating ppl well since the beginning of the week, this week.i feel so cranky..and i'm just even sadder after i received my math and history tests, and god, the f**king tingxie i took on tuesday.fck.fck!

i'm sry i'm swearing so much..but you do noe that when i do that, i'm feeling so much anger in me.yes, all the hatred in me.its so..hell.GET IT AWAY FROM ME!! AND WHAT'S WITH PPL STARING AT ME EVERYTIME I STEP OUT OF THE HSE?? i hate attention.you heard me? i HATE attention! i don't want any single person to care for me! i want to be alone! i.just want to crawl up to a corner..and wither..and die..

i feel so inferior.i feel so worthless, so lousy inside.i don't care whatever that happens to me.toss me around.break my heart.PLEASE! i beg of you all to..use me as a stepping stone to get what you all want..THROW me around like some pc of shit..kill me.STAB MY HEART A THOUSAND TIMES! i don't feel like life's worth living anymore..i just want want to die.. i just..feel that i'm against everything, and that everything is against me..i feel so fckingly screwed up!

i feel so angry with myself..and why i can't be like others.i feel like i'm not good enough for others.i feel like i never was..i feel like i just go around and hurt other ppl's feelings.i feel like i'm gaining too much attention which i hate..i hate myself for being too cheerful..i hate myself for everything..everything.. i'm fat and all, and i hvn got a single good point.for me, nothing will ever last.EVER.its true, anyway.'cause everyone will leave me someday soon.not as in death.but even when they are still alive and kicking.they will leave me..they will desert me..they will dump me..and they won't even care if i'm upset..no, THEY WON'T GIVE A DAMN.

i need someone to comfort me.and i don't want myself to push away the people..i, got over the previous depression because of..bianca.it was refles=ction day..and i don't know if i have post this b4..she really made me so happy..she really did.and i'm so grateful to her for that.. god did nt comfort me during that time, prob bcos i hvn got to know Him.but it was bianca.and now we're seperated into different classes..i realise i hvn been treating her well, too.i'm just so f**ked up with my own problem, i caused her to worry too.what kind of friend am i, huh? WHAT F**KING KIND OF FRIEND AM I?? YOU TELL ME!

you guys don't have to talk to me, seriously.i can be content to be alone.just like in class.nobody will ever depend on me for sth.for ANYTHING.and i guess i'll be happy that i dun hv to do anything.but the problem is, i want others to knw that i'll be there for them, always.just tell me your problems and when you want me over.though i'm not such a good comforter, i'll be there for you guys...

2007-01-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

yo dudes! sry hor..so long hvn post le.. hehe. *sheepish grin* so guess wat? i'm gna post quite long today, i guess..yepp.so get ready! [rmbers e song Sexyback, 'are you ready?']

TODAY. my specs broke in e morn! AGAIN! i was like, cleaning it lah and then e side came off.this time, it was e OTHER side.so louya pok hor..so watta do? i didnt wear glasses to sch la and everybody tot i was wearing contacts. i mean, PUH LEASE. i dun dare to wear contacts man! its like, SUPER scary to me..wat if poke ur eyes? wat if cnt take out at e end of e day? AND jus e tot of PUTTING IT ON makes me shiver!

ah.i looked HORRIBLE lor.cheryl still say i looked okay..i glance in mirror i noe i looked terrible alrdy ah! but hor, i wore my old pair durin lesson.. i guess i'm like givin it anth chance la.today jus went to e shop to repair my specs.using back old frame, e blue and black one which spoiled la..and EARLIEST it wuld arrive on sat aftn, not in time for service): and LATEST, next wk...

shucks.TODAY got chi compo test! terrible lor, i write super louya.. I'M SERIOUS GUYS. bet i'll barely pass only... and its like, today only my class got lor! yesterday e rest do de topic, SO MUCH damn easier lor!! ahh.i knew today was gna be bad..somemore got flu while doin test leh! which reminds me of a chorus of e song 'Predictable by.. GOOD CHARLOTTE! :D

- [billy!] *loves*

I knew it all along
Its so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (Something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
It's so predictable (So predictable)

okie, that's e chorus(:

DON'T CHA GUYS LOVE TO READ?? okay, so maybe only if i find a VERY good bk, not like e elit ones..so boring leh! hehe.hvn been reading much but yea, i read 2 super nice bks man!

FIRST: TEEN IDOL by MEG CABOT! its like, real nice, man! esp last part..guess it *quite* happened to me b4, uhm.similar lah.little bit.but i was like, a big fakie i guess. okay.i guess you guys dunno wad i'm talking abt but mayb you'd like to read e bk! (:
SECOND: [dunno if i've posted on this bk before..] UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION by.. oops, dun rmb who.. but i do noe it was made into a movie last year! its like a follow-up of e first one, UNDERWORLD.i read it like, three, four weeks or more le but man! i wanna watch e movie! think its rated or sth but, hehe. *cheeky grin* natalie told me she hv durin dec ^^ but i like always forget to remind her la, haha.so i'm waiting! today just sms-ed her(:

okie! i'm done(: phew! watta long one..

- [billy!] :D

2007-01-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

alamad!! stupid specs broke! and only ONE month, man! durin dinner, was taking it off to see if dirty.den e side jus came off, jus like dat! aiyo..tried to put super glue but it came out again aft a while..but tmr i bringin superglue with me la, in case come out again, hehe.

2007-01-04T22:29:00.000+08:00

juukazu! hehe.its pairing of jubei kakei and kazuki fuchoin. *squishes* not bad eh? i'll try to find better pics, if possible(:

2006-12-31T14:41:00.000+08:00

boo.haha ok i noe not scary at all de.. eh..yesterday screen keep hving problems so hv to off e com and restart lor.. ): den in e end no time to post this but i overshot 10pm anw haha. [dad not at home..] *whispers* okie..let's get on with wat i wanted to write!

oh...yesterday hor, hv cca lor.. *sticks out tongue sulkily* frm 8 till 12.45 leh! aiyo..somemore hv to be there b4 8 and i slept late on fri night bcos i was watching....ANIME! >.< SLAMMED MY CHEEK AGAINST E WHITE METAL THING OUTSIDE E WINDOWS. [you noe, you go behind one of e days and you MUS definitely make sure you walk den dun hit there de..]

scratches! yea..on cheek): but that's not e biggest worry lah.its my jaw leh.. hehe but think nothing happened to it, i suppose.. :\ wahlao..this is e THIRD time i walked and bumped into sth lor! first time e othr time i said, walk into e wall at home.e second time ar..NEARLY lah.on 24th i go aunt hse hv lunch, mum side of family all there for christmas(: ya then aft dat e rest of us go shopping centre..and there, i nearly walk into a glass sliding door..hais...

ah ha! jus as activity ending hor, i felt like my stomach pain..tot it was e wind cos if i dun eat for long time den will hv de): but got home and instead had.. DIARRHOEA! [checked dictionary for this word hehe.] yea..yesterday went toilet 3 times and today still not okay..went toilet once so far though.

hehe.you noticed i changed pic?? dudes, that's billy martin! haha.temporary though, i guess.haha unless i find a better pic.. (: [which there'll be loads of awesome pics of him, i'm sure. >.< ] haha.yea and i changed e songs! First song, is e starting song of get backers(: *loves* since episode 1 till friday, e 25TH episode(: but it'll be played again on e last episode as ending song. [i researched!] pretty nice rite? Second song is e SECOND ending song of getbackers(: frm episodes 14 to 25, which means last played on friday too.its not bad too. (: think it's cute(: first one too! haha.

2006-12-28T21:20:00.000+08:00

yo.haha sry..i noe its kinda weird that i didnt post for CHRISTMAS but i hvn been on e com for three days till yesterday but then yesterday blogger super slow AGAIN and i didnt hv enough time): but hey! i'm here's arn't i? haha.you all like ur christmas presents?? i got THREE necklace, THREE pcs of clothing [does towel count?] some cute [but i think kinda..girly i guess hehe.] metal paper clips [those kiap kiap de] and..a book. i still find my last yr birthday cum christmas cum for good results for psle present frm meant e best! haha.walkman leh! whee..can listen to all me cds! :D but this yr..think e present i received frm sis [we usually exchange gifts for christmas, e three of us] is e best.yea, necklace but..its nice(: pretty punk i guess but like for girl de..sweet. i find punk stuff pretty appealing. i love rock!

haha.i think i kinda outdated hor..but i now am so into billy martin!! he's frm good charlotte(: plays guitar.i mean like, he's cute. [you can say hot too.] belinda says she's scared of his hair, makeup and nails, but i think he looks just great in 'em. :D guess what? He's a VEGETARIAN and is active in some animal rights organisation, i guess.his favourite food is peanut butter and bean burritos. so cute eh? haha. hmm..his age i not so sure leh.. i tot he's 27 this yr, bianca says he was 27 last yr and my fren says he's 29.man! how confusing..but the thing is..he's still in his 20s! haha. oh ya..he owns this clothing company called LeVel 27.

ok..now feast ur eyes on some pics of him! not that many though, i can assure you..

shuai hor?

love his eyes.

cool man. hot!

ok this one looks sloppy..but if you hv seen him with long hair last time, i mean, seriously.DO YOU WANNA see it? *mouths N O* he looks funny with long hair, that's all i can say haha.

isn't he just HOT? reminds me a little of someone haha. *drools*

think he looks a little weird without makeup, but he's still cute to meh :D

billy with a doggie(: [funny i think it looks like a kitty..]

love this pic. put it on me messenger dp(:

mascara! haha.

last pic! ta daa..

okie.once again, picture time's over! yea i probably be changing my pic on blogskin soon...

hell.two days ago i had headache and e next day hv high fever.even now as i sit here typing i'm still burning like hell.and HEADACHE.hope i will feel much better tmr leh..dun wanna tuo e time to meet up with buianca and huier for physics proj..yesterday cant n today huier hv dental appointment..hais..

2006-12-21T21:19:00.000+08:00

hey me back! haha breaking benjamin! yea! i'm in love with their music! i mean, yea.quite a lot of their songs super nice ya noe! listen to this song i've put up and hopefully you'll get wat i mean(: haha i purposely didnt use iwebmusic cos i scared ppl dun like leh..haha i think i'm gna put up more of their songs! see hor, at first i watched one of their videos on e song The Diary Of Jane [its nice(: ] on channel5 [its weird why they would put up these there.haha.] and at first i tot, hmm...not bad. then only aft a while i began to like it! and guess wat? i bought their album! uh quite..some time ago le haha.yea.last fri i let bianca listen to two songs and she liked em so much she's gna buy e album too! >.<

[umm..e above part was typed yesterday cos no time no finish e rest. haha.was busy finding a suitable pic for me blogskin(: ]

ah..i see you all hv seen some changes in me blogskin eh? haha.i've changed me arrows to....purple! well, i think pink would be cuter but purple blends in more with e background, dont cha think so? haha and the pic is....

Kazuki Fuchoin!

i know i know..crazy rite? but KAZUKI! i noe wat you all must be thinking but... he's NOT a girl! sure, with da long hair and e face..but! haha he's not a girl k? okok..i think i'd better do intro first..see you all very confused... haha.you all noe my 'obsession' with e anime get backers rite? well kazu's one of e characters.well i still kinda like mido ban(: sure.he's handsome, cool and all...but i think i like kazu better bcos of his...gentleness? haha think so bah.okok i'll put up some pics for you guys! though its not that many...

KAZU! isnt he jus adorable? :D

aww...he's hurt):

i like this. its pretty(: haha think you can see this on me messenger dp too.

lookie! kazu!

Thread Master kazuki! :D

kazu in fight.

kazu and ginji(: haha i think he looks super cool when he was Thunder Emperor last time [ginji]. :D

isnt ginji so cute? haha.its very funny whenever he 'turns' into this cute little guy during most of e funny parts of e anime. (:

this, dudes, is mido ban(:

mido ban(: when his hair is down. haha last time.

ah...dont you think mido ban is jus gorgeous when he's without specs?? *drools*

okie guys..that's e end of picture time for today! haha.u noe hor actually this post was supposed to be put up THREE days ago but there were some problems..first day. computer keep hanging! yea i off e switch jus like dat TWO times leh! wah so scared didnt sign off..and then i typed so much somemore! hais..third time can lah. but dunno why for wat reason cnt put in pic):

second day.blogger EXTREMELY slow.yea dudes.SUPER slow.so i gave up.third day.uh..yesterday haha.mum went bonkers so i didnt dare use com..

ah..bianca left for china on e 16..actually, make dat 17.cos her flight was arnd 2 to 3am so technically its e next day am i rite? haha.yea but e point is...i'll not be able to see her online on messenger! *sniff* jus hv to wait till 26 when she comes back..

2006-12-14T16:46:00.000+08:00

hey hey! haha sry i hvn been posting ya..well partially cos i'm lazy.. :\ okok but now i'm back in...business! (:

ah..jus came back frm church camp! mon to wed, so in other words yesterday come back! ah not bad lah.went to s'pore sports sch and stay.and it costed $100, so of course the meals not bad lah! haha and got goodie bag.. (: but best of all i got to noe more about and spend more time with god! whee..

tues night hor, bcos the act like drag on till very late, so i only slept for like, 3 hours..so tired and sleepy the next day lor! yea.i can tell you very honestly.i looked like total shit yesterday.but i 'perked' up when it was announced that NorthEast district won da camp olympics! whee..

when wanna go back home hor, it was raining so i shared umbrella with huitian(: i brought just in case! haha.and guess wat? the bus stop was so full! imagine the whole lot of us cramped under a small bus stop..yea lucky the next bus that came was a long one.and i guess all of us could squeeze in(:

got home, SUPER TIRED.bathed, blah blah and then took dinner.then washed dishes.then retreated to slp.aiya actually wanted to take only a nap loh.til arnd 8.30 there so can use com and then after dat watch ANIME! but when my mum come in to wake me up she didnt MAKE SURE i was awake and out of da bed! so i missed everything i wanted to do later that day): and omg..GET BACKERS!! [i guess i hv to watch on youtube..] ah.woke up arnd almost 3am, angry and all.checked sms.someone hv call me but missed lah.then i replied the ppl back haha. [must be gettin pretty boring..] yea later went back to slp la and woke up 'rnd 8.30 yepp.

yah today went to J8 go spread the word of christ to youths! really hope that the kingdom of god would grow(: and of course hoping for breakthrough 1000! yea! haha today actually wanted to put up christmas tree de [i made my bro and dad promise to wait for me to come home] but i dun see anything happen..

ah anw..i think i hv learnt more abt god, his power, his love for us, what great things he can do and hv done for us, especially when He sent his one and only Son to die for us..John 3:16 [if i not wrong lah..].ya.how i've bcome 'better' is also dat hor, i THINK i've more patience now leh.yesterday siblings very irritating, keep telling each other smthing dun tell me.usually i get very pissed off la but hor i like didnt care leh! haha.ok well mayb its also bcos i was tired dun care abt them.ah then today i jus came back home sis said she dun like me.i was like, so what? i hv god with me! yea!

ah ok so..its the end now i guess..no! okok..look at the date now..yea..14dec rite? nice date rite? *hinthint* add FIVE more days and you get..hehheh... ITS MY BIRTHDAY ON 19DECEMBER!!! yea! and i'm finally turning 13! woohoo! haha. :D

2006-12-07T18:58:00.000+08:00

whao.i just watched V For Vendetta!! yepp.and its AWESOME! serious.its like, a plan so perfectly planned out! ok so i don't exactly noe if it is even rated, but who cares? a great movie ought to not be missed out! haha you shuld watch it man.do not be freaked out by the mask the guy [V] wears though.just sit back and relax in a dark room.

well ok so there was some disturbance *raises eyebrow at the last word*.and the room wasn't exactly That dark.i'm at someone else's house, to celebrate a birthday party.but if i say its awesome even with these 'interuptions', i'm sure you'll find it just great(:

ah.like a week or so i watched the movie Constatine [i do hope i've spelled it correctly]. it was a great movie too! ok i can't compare now since i watched it considerably quite some time ago.but man! its nice too! [well i think this must be rated too] i watched it in my cousin's hse(: haha guess wat? in that movie, it is stated that [but i think its fake] there is a Bible in Hell.yea, highly impossible, as wat i believe.the guy, acted by Keanu Reeves [i like his name! unique, dont cha think so?] is like someone who sents those spirits frm hell that hv 'possesed' others back to where they came frm, hell.yepp its something like..supernatural! but i forgot the guy's name [character] sry..its nice, i tell ya! yepp.so..go watch it.haha.

ah i shall continue frm where i've let off yesterday, shall i not? ok i noe i sound very umm...chim? yea hehe sorry i'm in the mood of talking like this aft watching V For Vendetta..

ok! ah meh specs! well i guess i've gotten used to it le(: except it keeps sliding off my nose): [it happens with the previous pair too..] oh, did i mention that my specs costed 140BUCKS? and it is discounted frm an offer that was up! Piishh! my bro went to make his the same day as me but his specs costed..160BUCKS!! bamm! well, its bcos the frame's made of platinum, which wun corrode so easily..but its so ex! ah.yesterday my sis went to check her eyesight too as i went to collect mine.well, her degree went down too.shocking.i mean, how often do you come across someone who wears specs and don't rest his eyes, like as the suggested 5min break aft 30-40min of close work? i, for one, does NOT do all these stuff.hehheh, but its better aint it? (:

haha ok i'll be off to dinner now! [oh, did i mention the time on my blog, stating wat time i hv posted, is half an hour behind time? haha yea, i think i'll go change..if possible lah.] haha.